How long did I try to hide from everything that's been happening to me?
Around 3 weeks? Perhaps a month? It doesn't matter really... I'm still trying to escape from the truth that is around me...
I'm starting to get really affected with how Lassie is acting. That's really bad news, because that means that I'll suddenly start to grow morose when she's not talking to me. That means that I'm starting to fall for her again, and the last thing that I need right now is to fall for her... I don't need to wreck my life again...
Anyway, today is Eng's birthday. It seems like a lot of people have forgotten it, and she doesn't really want anyone else to be reminded of today's occassion... Suits me fine, I'm not really interested in talking to other people.
Other people, that means Jamie and Co. Not that I don't want to see them -- I can tolerate speaking to them individually and not as a group (except for Lana who is still an ass). I just don't want to speak to them, because that would mean that I've forgiven them for being elitists. I still can't get over that, I can't get over the fact that they could easily dismiss me (although in hindsight, I should have realized they could do that, if they could easily dismiss Lassie).
Damn... I sort of forgot what I wanted to say... I have to end this quick before other people come in and bother me. Before I get bothered by Lassie's presence in the room...
Sunday, September 21, 2003
Ah...
Releasing all that depression really feels good... At least I no longer need to feel sad about how people aren't noticing me, that will always be the case anyway, ever since I changed for the worse. Hopefully, others would learn to accept how I am right now, or I can change again into something better. Its just a matter of time, anyway, and accepting how people are. Once that happens, I'm on my way to becoming a happy person again.
In the meantime, I have to put up with myself being a bitch.
I guess there really is just something that would further annoy me when Lassie just brushes me off like that. Maybe its a lingering idea that she's the last one I would want to ignore me. I mean, she's the only one left from my old friends, and I wouldn't want her to leave me too.
Or leave me again... That would be applicable too.
I don't want to face any feelings for her yet. I just want to establish the fact that she's a friend. I don't want her to leave before that happens. I don't want anything to happen before we become friends. Somehow, I have this feeling that her considering me a "brother" is a good thing... I don't even know if she's serious about me being her "brother" at all. Besides, I don't think I'd make a good "elder brother"...
There's also the fact that I have bad experiences with caring for siblings... I'm not exactly the emotional type of sibling, not the supportive kind at least.
And how do I expect her to pay any attention to me when she has an impending exam in an hour?
... Frost, you really are too much of a self-sacrificing fool...
Anyway, this kind of self-destructive arguments seem to bring the worst out in me. And where do they stem from? When I'm all alone walking around in malls, without anything to occupy my mind... When I start thinking and reminscing on the good days when everyone was a good happy group of friends, not this muddled mess that I'm in right now...
This self-destructive things just don't suit me at all. Its just too much of a change in what I really am, that anyone who sees it would really wonder if it were really I... I'm too full of hope sometimes, that there just doesn't seem to ever have room for any depression at all. I still have them though -- all the negative thoughts in the world... I just can keep them really, really well. Walling them up, ignoring them, displacing them... Anything just to get rid of them, but sometimes, they just come up like waves... And that's when I really have to let them all out.
And honestly, I really feel bad about it sometimes -- when I do things that I wouldn't normally do on good days... Despite the pleasure that I gain when I let go, I feel bad. Except perhaps on certain occassions, when people really deserve it.
I guess I'm just too much of a dumb person to learn to think for myself...
People say its a good idea to have a book like this to get more in touch with the inner self.
I think that's not true -- I'm afraid of facing my inner self. I'm afraid that when I see it, it would turn out to be much, much worse than what I imagine it is. An evil force 50 times worse than the exact polar opposite of what is my outer self... I'm curious to see it though, to see what sorts of monsters I keep inside my head.
Ah... Now that all that depression is gone, I can think clearly again. I can work again. I can see the bright colors that freshen up the world again, instead of just seeing the bad things and concentrating on myself.
As a side note, recently, when I try to talk to other people, I no longer seem to make the effort to really KNOW them. Its just like they're bodies with names that never seem to matter because they just trudge around like other bodies do. I seem to have lost the ability to instinctively know if people are telling the truth or not, if they're good or not, if they're trustworthy or not. All I see are bodies.
Names with bodies that can talk.
I can't even figure out what people want anymore... How sad.
Releasing all that depression really feels good... At least I no longer need to feel sad about how people aren't noticing me, that will always be the case anyway, ever since I changed for the worse. Hopefully, others would learn to accept how I am right now, or I can change again into something better. Its just a matter of time, anyway, and accepting how people are. Once that happens, I'm on my way to becoming a happy person again.
In the meantime, I have to put up with myself being a bitch.
I guess there really is just something that would further annoy me when Lassie just brushes me off like that. Maybe its a lingering idea that she's the last one I would want to ignore me. I mean, she's the only one left from my old friends, and I wouldn't want her to leave me too.
Or leave me again... That would be applicable too.
I don't want to face any feelings for her yet. I just want to establish the fact that she's a friend. I don't want her to leave before that happens. I don't want anything to happen before we become friends. Somehow, I have this feeling that her considering me a "brother" is a good thing... I don't even know if she's serious about me being her "brother" at all. Besides, I don't think I'd make a good "elder brother"...
There's also the fact that I have bad experiences with caring for siblings... I'm not exactly the emotional type of sibling, not the supportive kind at least.
And how do I expect her to pay any attention to me when she has an impending exam in an hour?
... Frost, you really are too much of a self-sacrificing fool...
Anyway, this kind of self-destructive arguments seem to bring the worst out in me. And where do they stem from? When I'm all alone walking around in malls, without anything to occupy my mind... When I start thinking and reminscing on the good days when everyone was a good happy group of friends, not this muddled mess that I'm in right now...
This self-destructive things just don't suit me at all. Its just too much of a change in what I really am, that anyone who sees it would really wonder if it were really I... I'm too full of hope sometimes, that there just doesn't seem to ever have room for any depression at all. I still have them though -- all the negative thoughts in the world... I just can keep them really, really well. Walling them up, ignoring them, displacing them... Anything just to get rid of them, but sometimes, they just come up like waves... And that's when I really have to let them all out.
And honestly, I really feel bad about it sometimes -- when I do things that I wouldn't normally do on good days... Despite the pleasure that I gain when I let go, I feel bad. Except perhaps on certain occassions, when people really deserve it.
I guess I'm just too much of a dumb person to learn to think for myself...
People say its a good idea to have a book like this to get more in touch with the inner self.
I think that's not true -- I'm afraid of facing my inner self. I'm afraid that when I see it, it would turn out to be much, much worse than what I imagine it is. An evil force 50 times worse than the exact polar opposite of what is my outer self... I'm curious to see it though, to see what sorts of monsters I keep inside my head.
Ah... Now that all that depression is gone, I can think clearly again. I can work again. I can see the bright colors that freshen up the world again, instead of just seeing the bad things and concentrating on myself.
As a side note, recently, when I try to talk to other people, I no longer seem to make the effort to really KNOW them. Its just like they're bodies with names that never seem to matter because they just trudge around like other bodies do. I seem to have lost the ability to instinctively know if people are telling the truth or not, if they're good or not, if they're trustworthy or not. All I see are bodies.
Names with bodies that can talk.
I can't even figure out what people want anymore... How sad.
Delusional Fool!
Whatever made you think that people would actually like you Frost? You are a blight on this world, suffered to live by other beings only because of your idiotic idea to be used! Do you really think you have any purpose to exist? Not even those people you call friends and family find any sort of use for you...
You're not even worth wasting my effort on! Why don't you just lie down on the floor and wait for death? At least the earth can still use your materials to make plants grow!
What makes you think that people give a damn on what you do? Do you think the journal is a funny idea? Well its not! Its just a futile attempt to catch attention because you know that no pays anything to you anymore! You rant on and on about hypocrites and how you hate them, but you're one yourself! Have you ever heard the phrase "clean your own backyard first?"
I guess even if you did, you'll just ignore it... That's what you always do anyway. You don't pay attention to anything that doesn't interest you -- and since you've never liked criticism in the first place, when have you ever considered the benefits of other people in your life?
You think that serving other people is your purpose? That's just a load of hogwash! People USE people! You just happen to be more convenient than others because of your "sense of honor" -- a.k.a. your gullibility! In your search for someone to pay attention to you, you would gladly bend knee to anyone who would ask "help" from you!
Tell me frankly, Frost... Has any good actually come from your brand of "help"? Has anyone actually benefitted from all the "assistance" that you give? Or has everything just been a show to feed your own bloated, putrescent ego? Your own overblown self-esteem? You tried to help Pai... and what was the result? Why a broken relationship that just gave her more pain! Don't try to deny it, you hypocrite... there's no denying the fact that you do nothing but wreck other people's lives!
How CAN you help other people in their relationships in the first place? You can't even mend the hole in your own parents' relationship! You can't even do a thing about your mother's affair with your uncle! You can't do a thing about your father's infidelity! You can't do a thing about your elder brother's child problem! You can't even do a thing to change yourself! What makes you think that you could "spend the effort to help others"? What would you help them on? How to change for the worse?
What arrogance you have!
And now you listen to all the people that you knew in college... and wait for them to ask you for anything, anything at all. But you've already isolated yourself from everyone around you. You can't relate to anything that they talk about because you turn away from them. In your misguided attempt to look for attention, you've only succeeded in alienating yourself from them! And you blame everyone else for your problems? You've brought your own problems down on yourself!
Despite the fact that you've always been a "proponent of conversation" you're the first to break down in such a situation! Breaking down and shutting yourself out whenever you no longer feel any interest in the conversation. And you blame others for your recent communication problems? I don't know if you're an idiot or worse...
So after isolating yourself from your old peer group, you try to get close to other people... You try to approach Lassie. Are you looking for a kindred soul? Someone who understands the pain that you felt when your "friends" betrayed you? What for? So that you can revel in your misery?
And what happened next then? Instead of putting things into perspective, you instead wallow in the feeling that there is someone who hates your "friends" as much as you do... You wallow in the fact that you are the maltreated one -- when it is blatantly obvious that YOU maltreated them!
And do you really expect that just spending time with other people would be enough to get them to open up to you? That you'd get their hearts? That they'd be grateful for your miserable presence in their lives? That they'd actually love you? Wherever did you get that stupid idea? You're not living in a movie, fool! You're living in the real world! That sort of thing doesn't exist!
Crying now, Frost? Realizing how worthlessly you've spent your time in this world? Do you think that changing yourself overnight would change how people view you?
Are you really that naive? Whatever you do in your remaining time in college will no longer change how people look at you! Face it, Frost... You've branded yourself as a LOSER the moment you stepped into college. And there's no escaping it anymore...
Perhaps you can try to runaway again, Frost... That's what you always do anyway.
Whatever made you think that people would actually like you Frost? You are a blight on this world, suffered to live by other beings only because of your idiotic idea to be used! Do you really think you have any purpose to exist? Not even those people you call friends and family find any sort of use for you...
You're not even worth wasting my effort on! Why don't you just lie down on the floor and wait for death? At least the earth can still use your materials to make plants grow!
What makes you think that people give a damn on what you do? Do you think the journal is a funny idea? Well its not! Its just a futile attempt to catch attention because you know that no pays anything to you anymore! You rant on and on about hypocrites and how you hate them, but you're one yourself! Have you ever heard the phrase "clean your own backyard first?"
I guess even if you did, you'll just ignore it... That's what you always do anyway. You don't pay attention to anything that doesn't interest you -- and since you've never liked criticism in the first place, when have you ever considered the benefits of other people in your life?
You think that serving other people is your purpose? That's just a load of hogwash! People USE people! You just happen to be more convenient than others because of your "sense of honor" -- a.k.a. your gullibility! In your search for someone to pay attention to you, you would gladly bend knee to anyone who would ask "help" from you!
Tell me frankly, Frost... Has any good actually come from your brand of "help"? Has anyone actually benefitted from all the "assistance" that you give? Or has everything just been a show to feed your own bloated, putrescent ego? Your own overblown self-esteem? You tried to help Pai... and what was the result? Why a broken relationship that just gave her more pain! Don't try to deny it, you hypocrite... there's no denying the fact that you do nothing but wreck other people's lives!
How CAN you help other people in their relationships in the first place? You can't even mend the hole in your own parents' relationship! You can't even do a thing about your mother's affair with your uncle! You can't do a thing about your father's infidelity! You can't do a thing about your elder brother's child problem! You can't even do a thing to change yourself! What makes you think that you could "spend the effort to help others"? What would you help them on? How to change for the worse?
What arrogance you have!
And now you listen to all the people that you knew in college... and wait for them to ask you for anything, anything at all. But you've already isolated yourself from everyone around you. You can't relate to anything that they talk about because you turn away from them. In your misguided attempt to look for attention, you've only succeeded in alienating yourself from them! And you blame everyone else for your problems? You've brought your own problems down on yourself!
Despite the fact that you've always been a "proponent of conversation" you're the first to break down in such a situation! Breaking down and shutting yourself out whenever you no longer feel any interest in the conversation. And you blame others for your recent communication problems? I don't know if you're an idiot or worse...
So after isolating yourself from your old peer group, you try to get close to other people... You try to approach Lassie. Are you looking for a kindred soul? Someone who understands the pain that you felt when your "friends" betrayed you? What for? So that you can revel in your misery?
And what happened next then? Instead of putting things into perspective, you instead wallow in the feeling that there is someone who hates your "friends" as much as you do... You wallow in the fact that you are the maltreated one -- when it is blatantly obvious that YOU maltreated them!
And do you really expect that just spending time with other people would be enough to get them to open up to you? That you'd get their hearts? That they'd be grateful for your miserable presence in their lives? That they'd actually love you? Wherever did you get that stupid idea? You're not living in a movie, fool! You're living in the real world! That sort of thing doesn't exist!
Crying now, Frost? Realizing how worthlessly you've spent your time in this world? Do you think that changing yourself overnight would change how people view you?
Are you really that naive? Whatever you do in your remaining time in college will no longer change how people look at you! Face it, Frost... You've branded yourself as a LOSER the moment you stepped into college. And there's no escaping it anymore...
Perhaps you can try to runaway again, Frost... That's what you always do anyway.
Thursday, September 18, 2003
You're Most Like The Season Summer ...
Whoa.... Passionate eh ?? Typically you're a fiery,
zesty dominant person. As the hottest season,
you certainly ooze Sex appeal. You have
confidence which draws people to you, and you
have the makings of a good leader.
However sometimes your exterior is stronger then
you are and so you scare people off before they
can get close.
Well done... You're the most memorable of seasons
:)
?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Most Like The Season Winter ...
You're often depicted as the cold, distant season.
But you're incredibly intelligent, mature and
Independant. You have an air of power around
you - and that can sometimes scare people off.
You're complex, and get hurt easily - so you
rarely let people in if you can help it. You
can be somewhat of a loner, but just as easily
you could be the leader of many. You Tend to be
negative, and hard to relate to, but you give
off a relaxed image despite being insecure -
and secretly many people long to be like you,
not knowing how deep the Winter season really
is.
Well done... You're the most inspirational of
seasons :)
?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
this quiz is so rigged... I actually received a summer result? Damn, I must be pretty bubbly today to receive such a... warm result.
You're dark, twisted and gorgeous, Angelina Jolie.
What sexy girl are you
brought to you by Quizilla
You'll play anything; renting games to you is like
playing a game of russian roulette, you'll just
pick one out of the blue and rent it. It could
be bad, it could be good. You like to take
risks.
What type of gamer are you?! Warning: Not all types specified, images are low quality, questions are cheesy.
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Char's custom Zaku II. Being Char's
personal mobile suit (until he moves onto
bigger and better things) you tear up the field
like nobodies business. You're a born leader,
and everybody in their right mind is afraid of
you.
What Zeon Mobile Suit are you? (pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
Brown/Honey -> You aren't too keen on telling
people everything, but you sure do love your
friends. They love you too, but you do have
your flaws. They're about your attitude. You
are too bossy for your own good. Try to
improve and raise your patience level. Other
than that you're great!
What Color Are Your Anime Eyes?
brought to you by Quizilla
yes... increase my patience... as if I need that...
You know what's starting to annoy me with Quizilla?
The endless quizzes they have about vampires. Vampire names, vampire clans, vampire bloodlines, vampire this, vampire that... the first few times it appeared, it was pretty interesting, despite the fact that the results sucked -- an obvious rip-off of Vampire: the Masquerade.
The next few times that it appeared, plus the fact that they kept plugging their silly site, well, that pretty much was enough reason to start avoiding vampire quizzes like the plague. They wouldn't even be able to put in any interesting results in there that I haven't possibly read somewhere. And its obvious that their sources are always the same. I hope the quizilla owner takes care of that silly problem (but I doubt it, seeing how many people are putting in other silly quizzes just to have people to "talk" to or something...).
Anyway, guilty pleasures are actually fun... I had the chance to verbally assault Lana yesterday, when he was pestering me about a question from the quiz. Well to be fair, I was talking to someone else at the time, and was trying to block out his voice in order to converse with (was it Eng?) properly. When he tried to raise his voice to be heard, I raised my voice in turn. Well, it wasn't that serious: I just asked him loudly what he wanted. Although it was in a tone that was definitely annoyed... Hehehe...
That put him in his place. So what if he doesn't talk to me? Like that is a big loss to me... It's not like he talks to me casually anyway, after all, he'll only call my attention when he needs something.
Hah! I still feel real good about it.
Now that's a guilty pleasure -- feeling good about something bad I did. Of course, its not really THAT bad, but... In any case, I still feel real good about it.
Now what's bothering me is the fact that I seem to have some lingering concern for Jamie. I mean, when I heard that she was sick or something, I was trying real hard to restrain myself from asking everyone what was wrong with her. Unfortunately, the people that I asked didn't even want to answer my question so I had no choice but to call her up myself. Something that I really, really don't feel like doing...
Too bad calling her didn't give me the information that I was looking for. I just learned that she was sick with some sort of feminine illness that I couldn't probably figure (duh! sherlock) out. I was shocked when I started feeling concerned for her. I guess I'm not yet as cold-hearted as I'm making myself out to be (I don't think I'll ever be cold-hearted anymore. Just damned unresponsive to certain people). I can't even carry a proper grudge I think. I might have to re-evaluate myself soon...
In the meantime, I've just read Neil Gaiman's latest Sandman work. All I could say is... nice
The endless quizzes they have about vampires. Vampire names, vampire clans, vampire bloodlines, vampire this, vampire that... the first few times it appeared, it was pretty interesting, despite the fact that the results sucked -- an obvious rip-off of Vampire: the Masquerade.
The next few times that it appeared, plus the fact that they kept plugging their silly site, well, that pretty much was enough reason to start avoiding vampire quizzes like the plague. They wouldn't even be able to put in any interesting results in there that I haven't possibly read somewhere. And its obvious that their sources are always the same. I hope the quizilla owner takes care of that silly problem (but I doubt it, seeing how many people are putting in other silly quizzes just to have people to "talk" to or something...).
Anyway, guilty pleasures are actually fun... I had the chance to verbally assault Lana yesterday, when he was pestering me about a question from the quiz. Well to be fair, I was talking to someone else at the time, and was trying to block out his voice in order to converse with (was it Eng?) properly. When he tried to raise his voice to be heard, I raised my voice in turn. Well, it wasn't that serious: I just asked him loudly what he wanted. Although it was in a tone that was definitely annoyed... Hehehe...
That put him in his place. So what if he doesn't talk to me? Like that is a big loss to me... It's not like he talks to me casually anyway, after all, he'll only call my attention when he needs something.
Hah! I still feel real good about it.
Now that's a guilty pleasure -- feeling good about something bad I did. Of course, its not really THAT bad, but... In any case, I still feel real good about it.
Now what's bothering me is the fact that I seem to have some lingering concern for Jamie. I mean, when I heard that she was sick or something, I was trying real hard to restrain myself from asking everyone what was wrong with her. Unfortunately, the people that I asked didn't even want to answer my question so I had no choice but to call her up myself. Something that I really, really don't feel like doing...
Too bad calling her didn't give me the information that I was looking for. I just learned that she was sick with some sort of feminine illness that I couldn't probably figure (duh! sherlock) out. I was shocked when I started feeling concerned for her. I guess I'm not yet as cold-hearted as I'm making myself out to be (I don't think I'll ever be cold-hearted anymore. Just damned unresponsive to certain people). I can't even carry a proper grudge I think. I might have to re-evaluate myself soon...
In the meantime, I've just read Neil Gaiman's latest Sandman work. All I could say is... nice
You are the hellspawn. You are the dark. The one,
the only ----- GRIM REAPER! YAY!!! You love to
kill and reap of souls and kill some more and
scare the $hit out of people. And it's D@mn
fun, too.
What type of freak of nature are you?!
brought to you by Quizilla
You're a MYSTIC! A mystic needs basic information
to interpret the story or plot. You carry
characteristics of both plotters and pantsers,
and therefore you may have been unsure about
your writing personality. You may write a
chapter or two to get the story going, and then
write a very basic synopsis or outline of major
plot events. Nothing is set in stone. You
allow your intuition and inspiration to guide
you. You may stick to a steady schedule, or
you may write in bursts. Most mystics write
with a fair amount of regularity--not every
day, but maybe the same days of the week seem
to work best for you. You may revise the
previous days writing before continuing on with
new prose. Mystics carry the best
characteristics of both plotting and pantsing.
You are committed, but flexible. You are
creative, but organized. You have both a good
voice, and the grammatical skill to pull off a
great novel.
Find Your Writing Personality!!
brought to you by Quizilla
Monday, September 15, 2003
What Anime Bad Girl Are You?
Can we eat yet?
What Anime Bad Boy Are You? Quiz 2
Quiz Title
What anime hue are you?
Why is it violet? If I'm so badass... WHY IS IT VIOLET????
The white dragon of mechs
What's Your Anime Weapon?
Ugh... is there no other mech or weapon that I would like?
Thwack
What's Your Anime Power?
Nuts-O Angel
Find out what anime villan you are.
HAHAHAHA
Find out what anime character cliche you are.
Dead Servant
Find out what bishonen you are.
Cutest little dragon master.
Find out what anime girl you are.
How many quizzes have I taken? Damn... I'm an addict...
You have an empty smile.
Find out what anime bad boy you are.
That's it... That's the last one. Now to study my report in a few minutes...
You are a Chinese dragon. Among the many Chinese
dragons are: Lung, the most powerful of the
Oriental Dragons who is completely deaf, and
has the power to produce rain, too. In
addition, Lung is a symbol of the East and the
sun. The Celestial dragon, who protects the
mansions of the Chinese Gods. The Spiritual
dragon, who creates rain and wind for mankind.
The Dragon of Hidden Treasures, who helps keep
watch over concealed wealth. The Coiling
dragon, who lives in the water, primarily lakes
and deep, deep waters. And, the Yellow dragon,
who is especially important, for this dragon
emerged from water and aided the Emperor Fu Shi
by showing him writing.
Which type of Eastern Dragon are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Foxy watch! Your a successfull brand named Foxy.
You are very stylish and cutting edge. Your a
great brand.
What type of watch are you? (great pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla
you are'nt an angel...you R..a normal human
person...you know that not all the people like
you & you don't leave in a dream...you leave
here!on earth!& that good...
What angel R you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm not an angel???? Darn it!!!!
Your Dolly! Your the best mag for teens going
through their tough years. Your comforting and
you offer lots of answers to many question.
Your mainly for teens, but aduls can read you
as well.
What magazine are you? (great results)
brought to you by Quizilla
Your cluedo. Your mysterious and very sneaky, and
you take a while to figure out, but along the
way you have heaps of laughs and tonnes of fun.
What board game are you? (interesting results)
brought to you by Quizilla
honestly though... I've never played this game before. I wonder how it really plays like?
You are MSN Messenger, ICQ, Yahoo or AOL
Which Computer Program are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Jamie's being pretty whiny (bitchy?) recently... I don't know if my noticing this is a direct observation of her actual behavior, or just a reaction of my aversion to her (I'm trying to be a nice guy today, so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt). Nevertheless, I can't stand being around her or her companions -- it just keeps irritating me endlessly. Er... Let me rephrase that.
I can't stand being around her presence or Lana's for that matter because there's something about the two of them that irritates me to no end. Is it because I feel like I'm constantly being used by this girl? A girl who wouldn't even bother to say my name if she didn't need someone to translate Chinese to some other language? Or is it because I feel like I was thrown to a side in exchange for other people that she could call her friends? I really don't know. All I know is I'm incredibly irritated at her for being... inhuman. For treating other people like objects.
I can't stand Lana for the grossly insensitive comments that come out of his mouth. I can't stand Lana because he just can't take a hint sometimes. I mean, glaring at him should already be enough of a sign for him to shut up, but I don't know if he's dense or doing things on purpose, he just doesn't know when to shut up sometimes. Additionally, he can just as quickly sweet talk someone into doing what he wants, even though what he wants to do isn't as important as what the person he bothered was doing. And when you try to sweet talk him into doing something when he's doing something important, he'll come out all "moral" and stuff and tell you that he's doing something important and you aren't. That offending tongue of his just screams to be cut out.
Anyway, Jamie's been asking for a pronounciation guide to a certain scene from Meteor Garden for a week now. I don't know what came over me, perhaps the spirit of Mr. Nice Guy, but I decided to give in to her request... Perhaps it was to shut her up from pestering other people about what she wants. Unfortunately, acquiescing to her request now would mean that she'd be more insistent later on, and would probably ask for more favors eventually. I don't think I can fully return to being Mr. Nice Guy yet... I hope I can hold out on helping people in need.
Maybe the reason why I'm so annoyed about Jamie is the fact that she set me aside in exchange for other people. I just feel irritated when Jason talks (because she talks to Jason more than she talks to me) to her and calls her his "bf" or "breakfast-mate". Don't ask me where the term came from. It just stuck, and they now call each other that way. You can just imagine the amount of confusion in other people's minds when they hear that "callsign"...
Really. I can't explain why I'm suddenly annoyed at the guy. He's never done anything wrong to me (at least none that I rememer holding a grudge for) but I can't shake the feeling that I'm heavily annoyed at him. Could it be because its so obvious that he likes Jamie and that Jamie is indulging him? Or is it because I can feel that he's slowly becoming part of the Elitists?
Whatever... I'm irritated at him, and I don't think the reason is important yet.
And then there's Cholo, who has a smart mouth. I mean, I'm annoyed at his snide comments about people and things. I just can't explain completely why I'm annoyed at him... Its just like saying why is a dog annoyed at a cat -- its illogical! I just dislike him with a passion.
I don't even know why I made this article about Jamie and her bitchiness (well I'm supposed to comment on the periodicity of her bitchiness, but I can't seem to find how to prove it). I was just irritated at how bitchy she was acting when she arrived this afternoon, and was acting like she was princess of all she surveyed, and that everyone should give in to her desires. I'm just irritated at how she's attracted to every single Chinese guy in the block, except for me and Terence and I can't explain why. Maybe that's the reason I'm irritated at her -- I'm bitter!
Well... It doesn't matter I suppose. I'm irritated at them and I won't talk to them for some time. Until I'm no longer irritated at them I suppose.
I just found out recently that I might be approaching "schizoidal" behavior. I mean, I think I'm about to be diagnosed as "schizoidal". Do take note that I'm not in any way "schizophrenic" -- there is a difference. Schizoidal is different from schizophrenic in the same way that a spider is not an insect. They're both mental illnesses, but definitely different from each other.
What does it mean if I'm schizoidal? It means that there are a lot of thoughts in my mind that could actually be delusions and not actual facts. In other words, I'm just imagining that Candy likes me. I'm just imagining that I have psychic powers. I'm just imagining that I'm God's special child. I'm just imagining that I'm THAT damn good...
In other words, there are a lot of things that boost my self-esteem that are actually just figments of my imagination. I can imagine how my self-esteem must be fidgeting around in my head... wondering if it's really capable of handling everything around it or if it should just roll over and wait for death or insanity to claim it.
And here I thought I had a good amount of self-control to be able to rein in my temper. It turns out that I'm actually mentally-imbalanced...
Just like I can't figure out if Lassie considers me a friend, a brother, or just another object to use. I guess knowing that I'm just a delusional individual just suddenly shattered my ability to figure out how a person thinks once I encounter him.
I can't even predict if a person is favorably predisposed towards me or not. And at a time when my social skills are quickly deteriorating... I think I'm screwed.
On the other hand, I think I'm pretty happy with myself. Too bad the happiness that I'm feeling with myself is just a poor... alternative to how I used to feel when I still had a lot of people I could call "friends".
I guess this is how the other people from high school felt when the class was divided into two. Then again, they could've felt the way I did at the time...
... I was delighted. At least I didn't need to associate with hypocrites anymore.
Too bad I've become one myself...
I can't stand being around her presence or Lana's for that matter because there's something about the two of them that irritates me to no end. Is it because I feel like I'm constantly being used by this girl? A girl who wouldn't even bother to say my name if she didn't need someone to translate Chinese to some other language? Or is it because I feel like I was thrown to a side in exchange for other people that she could call her friends? I really don't know. All I know is I'm incredibly irritated at her for being... inhuman. For treating other people like objects.
I can't stand Lana for the grossly insensitive comments that come out of his mouth. I can't stand Lana because he just can't take a hint sometimes. I mean, glaring at him should already be enough of a sign for him to shut up, but I don't know if he's dense or doing things on purpose, he just doesn't know when to shut up sometimes. Additionally, he can just as quickly sweet talk someone into doing what he wants, even though what he wants to do isn't as important as what the person he bothered was doing. And when you try to sweet talk him into doing something when he's doing something important, he'll come out all "moral" and stuff and tell you that he's doing something important and you aren't. That offending tongue of his just screams to be cut out.
Anyway, Jamie's been asking for a pronounciation guide to a certain scene from Meteor Garden for a week now. I don't know what came over me, perhaps the spirit of Mr. Nice Guy, but I decided to give in to her request... Perhaps it was to shut her up from pestering other people about what she wants. Unfortunately, acquiescing to her request now would mean that she'd be more insistent later on, and would probably ask for more favors eventually. I don't think I can fully return to being Mr. Nice Guy yet... I hope I can hold out on helping people in need.
Maybe the reason why I'm so annoyed about Jamie is the fact that she set me aside in exchange for other people. I just feel irritated when Jason talks (because she talks to Jason more than she talks to me) to her and calls her his "bf" or "breakfast-mate". Don't ask me where the term came from. It just stuck, and they now call each other that way. You can just imagine the amount of confusion in other people's minds when they hear that "callsign"...
Really. I can't explain why I'm suddenly annoyed at the guy. He's never done anything wrong to me (at least none that I rememer holding a grudge for) but I can't shake the feeling that I'm heavily annoyed at him. Could it be because its so obvious that he likes Jamie and that Jamie is indulging him? Or is it because I can feel that he's slowly becoming part of the Elitists?
Whatever... I'm irritated at him, and I don't think the reason is important yet.
And then there's Cholo, who has a smart mouth. I mean, I'm annoyed at his snide comments about people and things. I just can't explain completely why I'm annoyed at him... Its just like saying why is a dog annoyed at a cat -- its illogical! I just dislike him with a passion.
I don't even know why I made this article about Jamie and her bitchiness (well I'm supposed to comment on the periodicity of her bitchiness, but I can't seem to find how to prove it). I was just irritated at how bitchy she was acting when she arrived this afternoon, and was acting like she was princess of all she surveyed, and that everyone should give in to her desires. I'm just irritated at how she's attracted to every single Chinese guy in the block, except for me and Terence and I can't explain why. Maybe that's the reason I'm irritated at her -- I'm bitter!
Well... It doesn't matter I suppose. I'm irritated at them and I won't talk to them for some time. Until I'm no longer irritated at them I suppose.
I just found out recently that I might be approaching "schizoidal" behavior. I mean, I think I'm about to be diagnosed as "schizoidal". Do take note that I'm not in any way "schizophrenic" -- there is a difference. Schizoidal is different from schizophrenic in the same way that a spider is not an insect. They're both mental illnesses, but definitely different from each other.
What does it mean if I'm schizoidal? It means that there are a lot of thoughts in my mind that could actually be delusions and not actual facts. In other words, I'm just imagining that Candy likes me. I'm just imagining that I have psychic powers. I'm just imagining that I'm God's special child. I'm just imagining that I'm THAT damn good...
In other words, there are a lot of things that boost my self-esteem that are actually just figments of my imagination. I can imagine how my self-esteem must be fidgeting around in my head... wondering if it's really capable of handling everything around it or if it should just roll over and wait for death or insanity to claim it.
And here I thought I had a good amount of self-control to be able to rein in my temper. It turns out that I'm actually mentally-imbalanced...
Just like I can't figure out if Lassie considers me a friend, a brother, or just another object to use. I guess knowing that I'm just a delusional individual just suddenly shattered my ability to figure out how a person thinks once I encounter him.
I can't even predict if a person is favorably predisposed towards me or not. And at a time when my social skills are quickly deteriorating... I think I'm screwed.
On the other hand, I think I'm pretty happy with myself. Too bad the happiness that I'm feeling with myself is just a poor... alternative to how I used to feel when I still had a lot of people I could call "friends".
I guess this is how the other people from high school felt when the class was divided into two. Then again, they could've felt the way I did at the time...
... I was delighted. At least I didn't need to associate with hypocrites anymore.
Too bad I've become one myself...
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Morpheus
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
So how long have I been ignoring everything in the world again? I think around a week now, judging from the number of pictures that are around. I can see the effort that I'm exerting to make this book appear interesting, too bad no one knows of this book's existence (neither would I want others to know). Well, at least I can be as creative as I want to be without fearing for criticism.
What DO I want to say anyway? I don't think there's anything that can be said in these days anyway... I'm drowning all my worries these days with minesweeper and surfing. I can't seem to find anything that's troubling me anymore. I do want to know what would be the results of my psychological testing from Jenny though...
I think I need to find something else to think about. I can feel like my brain's turning into jelly right now... It can't hold much of anything right now, including memory too.
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
Neutron -- You don't take sides, you just sort of
hang out and blend into the crowd. If someone
lets you loose though, you can cause some
serious damage. If you are arround too many
other neutrons you get bored and start to
decay.
What kind of subatomic particle are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Now this is the most interesting quiz I've seen so far...
My alarm clocks no longer have the ability to wake me up. Woke up late again today, with absolutely no recollection of having turned off all three alarm clocks except for a vague feeling that I did wake up earlier. I'll have to remember to set them up at the same time. Hopefully the combined noise would jolt me to wakefulness.
Anyway, I got called to the guidance office after the first class this morning. I was reluctant to go, knowing that it was just a "random summons" from the guidance counselors hoping to check-up on some students. However, I was afraid that it might have something to do with my disappearances in my core classes. At least if it were the latter, I would be able to have a warning on my standing. If it were the former... Well, let's just say that I had something more important to do.
It turned out to be the former.
I was so annoyed at first because I could've spent that time to study for an exam. I was already determined to cut my Theology class (I already had a cut last week for sleeping in) just to be able to study -- I didn't need the hassle of going to a guidance counseling. When she asked if I would want a rescheduling though, I changed my mind, because rescheduling meant that I'd have to go back there some other time. Since I was already there, I might as well do what the guidance office needed of me -- it wouldn't take too long anyway right?
Well, yes and no. Yes it shouldn't take too long -- they just wanted to check up on me that's all. I could've simply said yes and avoided all other questions. No because I decided to tell them a few problems, thinking that they could help me. I wasn't really thinking of telling them about how things are with my "friends" (if they still ARE my friends) but one thing led to another (I must be really bothered by Dulce and Pai for those things to slip through... I just didn't mention any names though) and I was retelling the story of how I started to drift away from my "friends".
What's amazing though, is that I suddenly felt relaxed after telling someone else about "this girl who's extremely jealous and incomprehensible" -- as if I've been keeping a lot of anger within me and all it needed was a bit of a release. I kept telling some more stories, about this "bestfriend who suddenly decided that we no longer are bestfriends", about this "group of people who are more comfortable staying that way than with me trying to find my place with them", about "this girl who was booted out of her group because they couldn't tolerate her". Just some anecdotes of course, i wasn't planning to tell everything to this person that I don't know (it tends to feel awkward, but on the other hand, it feels liberating to tell things to someone you don't know because you know he won't be biased or anything) otherwise I might suddenly go all "emotional" and stuff.
Anyway, as I stepped out of the guidance office, as I started to cram for 5 minutes for the exam, I felt my head suddenly clear up -- as if all my problems suddenly disappeared without a trace, and I could just fill it up with more relevant thoughts and ideas.
I got told that I had a strong tolerance though. That I could tolerate a lot of things, despite the fact that I seem to be very sensitive. I mean, I seem to be able to hold my temper, even on occassions where it would be acceptable to just lash out at everyone else. This translates to a very high EQ or something (I couldn't remember the other things that I've been told at the moment) and would be a nice thing for getting along well with others. My sensitivity could also be an advantage in courting other people, I seem to know my way around girls. And lastly, I present a facade that suggests I don't need attention, despite a nature that keeps screaming for attention. I guess that's the reason I always feel neglected -- because I show people I don't need others, when it is the opposite that is true...
I wonder how I would have reacted on some other day though, when some less desirable personality is dominant over me?
On a lighter note, the Theo project has been moved to the end of this month -- that means instead of less than a week to find couples and rush through the project, I have the time to contact my cousins and interview them for a few weeks more. I'm thinking of cheating the "active in church" requirement, bluffing the teacher on the degree of activity that my cousins exhibit. I guess so long as I can finish the project, I'll do almost anything...
How ironic though that I'd have to ask God for help there. I actually had to pray for that to work... I hate having to ask a superior being for favors, but I guess beggars can't really be choosers, can they?
Jamie has a monthly archive type for her blog -- suggesting that she's not too interested in maintaining a blog, just in having one that would rarely be checked... Either that, or she's really busy recently and can't update her blog as often. I have a good month to see what she's going to put up... Hopefully something that's pretty, and not just a ton of ranting just like what this Book is starting to deteriorate to.
Anyway, I got called to the guidance office after the first class this morning. I was reluctant to go, knowing that it was just a "random summons" from the guidance counselors hoping to check-up on some students. However, I was afraid that it might have something to do with my disappearances in my core classes. At least if it were the latter, I would be able to have a warning on my standing. If it were the former... Well, let's just say that I had something more important to do.
It turned out to be the former.
I was so annoyed at first because I could've spent that time to study for an exam. I was already determined to cut my Theology class (I already had a cut last week for sleeping in) just to be able to study -- I didn't need the hassle of going to a guidance counseling. When she asked if I would want a rescheduling though, I changed my mind, because rescheduling meant that I'd have to go back there some other time. Since I was already there, I might as well do what the guidance office needed of me -- it wouldn't take too long anyway right?
Well, yes and no. Yes it shouldn't take too long -- they just wanted to check up on me that's all. I could've simply said yes and avoided all other questions. No because I decided to tell them a few problems, thinking that they could help me. I wasn't really thinking of telling them about how things are with my "friends" (if they still ARE my friends) but one thing led to another (I must be really bothered by Dulce and Pai for those things to slip through... I just didn't mention any names though) and I was retelling the story of how I started to drift away from my "friends".
What's amazing though, is that I suddenly felt relaxed after telling someone else about "this girl who's extremely jealous and incomprehensible" -- as if I've been keeping a lot of anger within me and all it needed was a bit of a release. I kept telling some more stories, about this "bestfriend who suddenly decided that we no longer are bestfriends", about this "group of people who are more comfortable staying that way than with me trying to find my place with them", about "this girl who was booted out of her group because they couldn't tolerate her". Just some anecdotes of course, i wasn't planning to tell everything to this person that I don't know (it tends to feel awkward, but on the other hand, it feels liberating to tell things to someone you don't know because you know he won't be biased or anything) otherwise I might suddenly go all "emotional" and stuff.
Anyway, as I stepped out of the guidance office, as I started to cram for 5 minutes for the exam, I felt my head suddenly clear up -- as if all my problems suddenly disappeared without a trace, and I could just fill it up with more relevant thoughts and ideas.
I got told that I had a strong tolerance though. That I could tolerate a lot of things, despite the fact that I seem to be very sensitive. I mean, I seem to be able to hold my temper, even on occassions where it would be acceptable to just lash out at everyone else. This translates to a very high EQ or something (I couldn't remember the other things that I've been told at the moment) and would be a nice thing for getting along well with others. My sensitivity could also be an advantage in courting other people, I seem to know my way around girls. And lastly, I present a facade that suggests I don't need attention, despite a nature that keeps screaming for attention. I guess that's the reason I always feel neglected -- because I show people I don't need others, when it is the opposite that is true...
I wonder how I would have reacted on some other day though, when some less desirable personality is dominant over me?
On a lighter note, the Theo project has been moved to the end of this month -- that means instead of less than a week to find couples and rush through the project, I have the time to contact my cousins and interview them for a few weeks more. I'm thinking of cheating the "active in church" requirement, bluffing the teacher on the degree of activity that my cousins exhibit. I guess so long as I can finish the project, I'll do almost anything...
How ironic though that I'd have to ask God for help there. I actually had to pray for that to work... I hate having to ask a superior being for favors, but I guess beggars can't really be choosers, can they?
Jamie has a monthly archive type for her blog -- suggesting that she's not too interested in maintaining a blog, just in having one that would rarely be checked... Either that, or she's really busy recently and can't update her blog as often. I have a good month to see what she's going to put up... Hopefully something that's pretty, and not just a ton of ranting just like what this Book is starting to deteriorate to.
Friday, September 05, 2003
How long has it been since I felt like writing anything in this book? I guess around 2 weeks? I've been pretty recently, as I've been saying in the journal... So busy in fact that I couldn't even write anything in here.
As if that could ever happen. I've been spending a lot of time recently with Lassie, and frankly, I can feel my old self returning -- that person who would protect and care for friends whatever trouble they were in, as long as the guy was free. Well, I do know that I'm not yet in full helping mode, not yet in full friends-first, self-later assistance mode. But I can feel myself going there soon, if I don't stop myself in the process. As I've mentioned before, I'm pretty sure that something would come up before the end of the year (hopefully not, of course), and if I dumbly give my self to others again, I'm pretty sure that I'll be hurt before the end of the year (and start becoming autistic again...)
I've had a good dream last... Wednesday? I think that was it. Lassie was asking me to wake her up that morning at 3AM. The gullible fool that I was, I agreed, on the condition that I'd wake her up IF I woke up. I made plans to wake up at that time, unfortunately, when the alarm rang, and just as I was about to call her up, I fell asleep again. It seems like I can't find my body anymore...
Anyway, before I woke up to the alarm clock, I do recall that I was in a dream with Lassie. I can't remember what we were supposed to do there. All I know was that she and I were an item, or something close to that. I was pretty sure that we were more than close friends, and I do recall that she was willing to kiss me this time (unlike the last time). I do know that we were in some kind of mall that mixed together all the malls that I know. We were strolling around and talking about all sorts of things, and kissing. When I woke up, I could only remember that I dreamed of her, that it was a good dream, and that I wished the dream wouldn't stop. And then I remembered that I haven't called her up as I promised, so I did. Only to find out that she was already awake.
Anyway, I should have written that down days ago. However, I was spending too much time with her, and couldn't pry myself long enough to even go to a computer to write things down. Besides, I still had laboratory deadlines to attend to at that time, I would rather finish those than write things down here.
I do know that I wouldn't want things to turn sour this time around. This should be the third (fourth?) time that I've been close to her. I'm probably being stupid again, I'm probably not learning, but I do know that there's no denying the fact that I feel good whenever I'm with her. I hope I just don't screw up this time. Hopefully, I'll successfully turn my feelings for her, into genuinie friendship.
Hopefully, if I do treat her as a friend, she stays that way forever. Unlike two people I know.
I have this feeling that Dulce is now living with the fact that she'd hate me for as long as she remembers me. And it looks like Pai won't do anything to patch things up in the near future.
Enough of depressing things. My optimistic nature can't handle that too long. It gets boring eventually.
It looks like Jamie has her own blog. I've seen her editing stuff there yesterday, and when she realized that I was standing behind her, she instinctively switched windows and had a surprised look on her face. I still don't know the URL of that blog of course, but I do know the title -- "its not a porn site, unfortunately". I'll probably find a way to know what it is soon... Computers always keep records of that. I do know that the blog is private as it hasn't shown up on search engines this morning. I have this feeling that its her old blog, and she's just revived it. Why she doesn't want me to know about it, well, I guess that says how much she trusts (or distrusts) me.
Martin has a drinking fest scheduled for tomorrow evening, at around 9 PM in Makati (or is it tonight? I can't remember!). I would've wanted to go, unfortunately, I think the Elitists would be there, and I don't think I want to see them soon. I mean, I think they don't mind that I don't mingle with them anymore, I just dislike their presence. It irritates me, especially when Lana starts talking as though he's running things around the place. I know I do that sometimes, but I do know that I'm not doing it to THAT degree. Hopefully...
I'll have to schedule a guidance interview soon. I'll have to get my job availability measured soon, so that I'll know what job I'll be expecting...
As if that could ever happen. I've been spending a lot of time recently with Lassie, and frankly, I can feel my old self returning -- that person who would protect and care for friends whatever trouble they were in, as long as the guy was free. Well, I do know that I'm not yet in full helping mode, not yet in full friends-first, self-later assistance mode. But I can feel myself going there soon, if I don't stop myself in the process. As I've mentioned before, I'm pretty sure that something would come up before the end of the year (hopefully not, of course), and if I dumbly give my self to others again, I'm pretty sure that I'll be hurt before the end of the year (and start becoming autistic again...)
I've had a good dream last... Wednesday? I think that was it. Lassie was asking me to wake her up that morning at 3AM. The gullible fool that I was, I agreed, on the condition that I'd wake her up IF I woke up. I made plans to wake up at that time, unfortunately, when the alarm rang, and just as I was about to call her up, I fell asleep again. It seems like I can't find my body anymore...
Anyway, before I woke up to the alarm clock, I do recall that I was in a dream with Lassie. I can't remember what we were supposed to do there. All I know was that she and I were an item, or something close to that. I was pretty sure that we were more than close friends, and I do recall that she was willing to kiss me this time (unlike the last time). I do know that we were in some kind of mall that mixed together all the malls that I know. We were strolling around and talking about all sorts of things, and kissing. When I woke up, I could only remember that I dreamed of her, that it was a good dream, and that I wished the dream wouldn't stop. And then I remembered that I haven't called her up as I promised, so I did. Only to find out that she was already awake.
Anyway, I should have written that down days ago. However, I was spending too much time with her, and couldn't pry myself long enough to even go to a computer to write things down. Besides, I still had laboratory deadlines to attend to at that time, I would rather finish those than write things down here.
I do know that I wouldn't want things to turn sour this time around. This should be the third (fourth?) time that I've been close to her. I'm probably being stupid again, I'm probably not learning, but I do know that there's no denying the fact that I feel good whenever I'm with her. I hope I just don't screw up this time. Hopefully, I'll successfully turn my feelings for her, into genuinie friendship.
Hopefully, if I do treat her as a friend, she stays that way forever. Unlike two people I know.
I have this feeling that Dulce is now living with the fact that she'd hate me for as long as she remembers me. And it looks like Pai won't do anything to patch things up in the near future.
Enough of depressing things. My optimistic nature can't handle that too long. It gets boring eventually.
It looks like Jamie has her own blog. I've seen her editing stuff there yesterday, and when she realized that I was standing behind her, she instinctively switched windows and had a surprised look on her face. I still don't know the URL of that blog of course, but I do know the title -- "its not a porn site, unfortunately". I'll probably find a way to know what it is soon... Computers always keep records of that. I do know that the blog is private as it hasn't shown up on search engines this morning. I have this feeling that its her old blog, and she's just revived it. Why she doesn't want me to know about it, well, I guess that says how much she trusts (or distrusts) me.
Martin has a drinking fest scheduled for tomorrow evening, at around 9 PM in Makati (or is it tonight? I can't remember!). I would've wanted to go, unfortunately, I think the Elitists would be there, and I don't think I want to see them soon. I mean, I think they don't mind that I don't mingle with them anymore, I just dislike their presence. It irritates me, especially when Lana starts talking as though he's running things around the place. I know I do that sometimes, but I do know that I'm not doing it to THAT degree. Hopefully...
I'll have to schedule a guidance interview soon. I'll have to get my job availability measured soon, so that I'll know what job I'll be expecting...
Monday, September 01, 2003
You are Beauty.
You are beautiful, whether it be on the inside, the
outside, or both. People are drawn to you as
strongly as you are drawn to the beauty in the
world around you.
What Emotion Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
"Sweet Dreams" (by Eurythmics)
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
Which 80's Song Fits You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Thursday, August 28, 2003
RED: You have the red eyes of a monster. If anyone
sees your eyes, it might as well be a death
sentence, unless they can run REALLY fast, and
you're in a good mood. Either that or full. If
someone ventures into your cave, you'll likely
find them before they leave... no, they won't
leave... since you'll be on patrol. If it isn't
because you're evil and love to munch on
whatever poor thing wandered in, then it's
because you're extremely territorial. Either
way, they're dead.
The creature eyes quiz
brought to you by Quizilla
I do? Really?
Dying bravely for king and country is what every
solder both dreams of and fears, isn't it? Long
nights spent on guard, hard marches, and the
brutality of war surrounded you, but you held
fast to your honor and loyalty. You were
determined to march off into the face of the
enemy, screaming your country's battle cry and
dying with your leader's name on your lips...
you got your wish, and you took a lot of the
Other Guys down with you. A real hero. Guess
what, hero? Although no one can say that
loyalty and honor are bad qualities, sometimes
you need to take a look at what it is you're
fighting for. Devoted to the Cause? Determined
to see it through? Ask yourself why. If it's
something WORTH fighting for, you should be
able to find that 'why', and if it's not...
then put down your gun, soldier. Stay home.
Marry. Have kids. Whatever makes you happy.
Take a turn, this lifetime, at being what the
heros are fighting for... at least until you
know WHY you're fighting.
What were you in a Past Life?
brought to you by Quizilla
Can't they have used a more heroic picture?
You grew up without your parents, disease took them
when you were young. Your wife too was lost to
illness, and although you'd already begun
studying what there was of medicine, it was
only after she had left you that your life had
real purpose. You were going to cure the world.
You worked long hours, you did your best to
heal the sick and help the hurting. You
believed in what you were doing. And one night
you had a little bit too much to drink... and
another life left the world, one you could have
saved, one you should have saved. Karma is
giving you a second chance. This lifetime, you
will have the chance to make a difference, to
help or heal, cure or care. Take that chance,
use it well, or you'll be stuck repeating this
over and over. You're already somewhat health-
conscious and that can be used to your
advantage. You're already at times protective,
and that's a good trait. The only thing you
really need to beware of is being used - not
everyone is looking for help, some just want an
easy ride, and that is NOT what you are here to
give.
What were you in a Past Life?
brought to you by Quizilla
Likewise, can't they have used a more "professional" or cooler picture? This guy's a kid!!!
You are a dark goddess!
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are too innocent and sweet for your own good.
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
How... conflicting
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Ok... Why Jamie would like to know if Ma'am Anne drinks addles my mind a little too much. Does she really intend to invite Ma'am Anne to one of their frequent drinking sessions with the "elitist" group in their studio dorm?
The feeling of being invited into their "special group" must be pretty intoxicating. I think I can feel it from here... It makes me want to throw up.
But that's probably just my bitterness speaking. I don't know why they seem to be distancing themselves from me (aside from the obvious association with Lassie recently). Of course, I can probably guess that they're staying away from me becaue they feel like I'm distancing myself from them... If they only knew how I felt all those times when they were having fun by themselves because its only a "girl's" out occasion (with Lana in tow).
Alternatively, they may actually believe that I'm really Pai's prankie, and are acting accordingly... After all, would you knowingly associate with a person who is suspected of bothering another person's life?
Which goes to show just how "well" these people I used to spend time with actually know me. I can't blame them though, Prankie's trying really hard to make it appear like I'm him, or something like that (but still, can't my "friends" tell if I'd ever have the reason to do that?). And with the current problems I'm experiencing... It doesn't look like its that difficult to pull off.
Unfortunately, any help that they think they're giving in trying to verbally lash out at the new pranker isn't worth anything. How many times do I have to tell them that the mailing list is open -- meaning, anyone who knows the address could just send any mail that they want and expect it to appear in the exact same way that they sent it. It's not even moderated, damn it!
Besides, I doubt that this new guy would check his bogus email addy anytime soon. Why should he? That's not his main email addy -- he won't be receiving anything important there. There's no point in checking it at all. He's already told people what he wanted them to here... He'd probably be content there until the next opportunity comes again.
Its interesting to note just how many people would come to Adnan's defense though (although in my opinion, can't the guy stand up for himself? Why would other people need to butt into someone else's life?)... Just goes to show that I'm not the only one who believes in his innocence (despite the relative lack of proof), otherwise, people would already have agreed to any other mail received.
Too bad I don't look innocent enough... Thanks to circumstances.
I just can't understand why the other people who say they're concerned about things insist on replying to a person who will so obviously do nothing... Are they that desperate to catch a thief (or perhaps they can't bear with the fact that they're really hopeless in this situation and bark more than they bite)? They can always find other avenues to follow up on a trail.
The hints that the new email left make it look really easy to figure who he is though... I wonder if that's deliberate to throw people off his trail, or a miscalculation on his part? Unfortunately for him, if he insists on being close to Pai, he'd be caught faster than people can say, "Eureka!" Then again, if he's trying to make it look like I'm him...
I wish he'd stalk me... At least I'd be able to figure out who he is if he's not careful...
The feeling of being invited into their "special group" must be pretty intoxicating. I think I can feel it from here... It makes me want to throw up.
But that's probably just my bitterness speaking. I don't know why they seem to be distancing themselves from me (aside from the obvious association with Lassie recently). Of course, I can probably guess that they're staying away from me becaue they feel like I'm distancing myself from them... If they only knew how I felt all those times when they were having fun by themselves because its only a "girl's" out occasion (with Lana in tow).
Alternatively, they may actually believe that I'm really Pai's prankie, and are acting accordingly... After all, would you knowingly associate with a person who is suspected of bothering another person's life?
Which goes to show just how "well" these people I used to spend time with actually know me. I can't blame them though, Prankie's trying really hard to make it appear like I'm him, or something like that (but still, can't my "friends" tell if I'd ever have the reason to do that?). And with the current problems I'm experiencing... It doesn't look like its that difficult to pull off.
Unfortunately, any help that they think they're giving in trying to verbally lash out at the new pranker isn't worth anything. How many times do I have to tell them that the mailing list is open -- meaning, anyone who knows the address could just send any mail that they want and expect it to appear in the exact same way that they sent it. It's not even moderated, damn it!
Besides, I doubt that this new guy would check his bogus email addy anytime soon. Why should he? That's not his main email addy -- he won't be receiving anything important there. There's no point in checking it at all. He's already told people what he wanted them to here... He'd probably be content there until the next opportunity comes again.
Its interesting to note just how many people would come to Adnan's defense though (although in my opinion, can't the guy stand up for himself? Why would other people need to butt into someone else's life?)... Just goes to show that I'm not the only one who believes in his innocence (despite the relative lack of proof), otherwise, people would already have agreed to any other mail received.
Too bad I don't look innocent enough... Thanks to circumstances.
I just can't understand why the other people who say they're concerned about things insist on replying to a person who will so obviously do nothing... Are they that desperate to catch a thief (or perhaps they can't bear with the fact that they're really hopeless in this situation and bark more than they bite)? They can always find other avenues to follow up on a trail.
The hints that the new email left make it look really easy to figure who he is though... I wonder if that's deliberate to throw people off his trail, or a miscalculation on his part? Unfortunately for him, if he insists on being close to Pai, he'd be caught faster than people can say, "Eureka!" Then again, if he's trying to make it look like I'm him...
I wish he'd stalk me... At least I'd be able to figure out who he is if he's not careful...
Sunday, August 24, 2003
I wonder why Pai's so-called "helper" or "sympathizer" tries so hard to act like her friend... Everything that she does just screams hypocrite though. I wonder what he'd really would like to do.
The new email sounds like there are a number of them now... As if she's found other people that agree with what she thinks. From the way she writes, I still can't point out who exactly he is (but he is making enough of an effort to show that he knows a lot about Pai & Adnan and is a very close friend). The new email isn't an overall informative mail unlike the first one. The new one is an out & out insult to Adnan. Unfortunately, I doubt that it would work because most of the people in class either are mature enough to disregard whatever was in the mail (unlike me) or simply believe too much in Adnan.
Anyway, things'll turn out to be okay again eventually... perhaps in a few weeks. Chances are, most people would laugh at the new attempt of whoever while some would react violently and try to argue with the idiot. I've got half a mind to join in on the fun, but I'll try to see what happens first.
In the meantime... Damn, I think these French exchange students stink! There's some stench in the air that suddenly appeared in the air as soon as they sat near one of the computer terminals under the fan. I know that's pretty discriminating, but I don't have any other explanation for the sudden smell permeating in the air. Good thing the nose adapts quickly to pesky odors... But it doesn't mean that I'll gladly stay here while they reek...
Can't even think straight with the smell in the air. Gotta stop this and step outside for some fresh air first...
The new email sounds like there are a number of them now... As if she's found other people that agree with what she thinks. From the way she writes, I still can't point out who exactly he is (but he is making enough of an effort to show that he knows a lot about Pai & Adnan and is a very close friend). The new email isn't an overall informative mail unlike the first one. The new one is an out & out insult to Adnan. Unfortunately, I doubt that it would work because most of the people in class either are mature enough to disregard whatever was in the mail (unlike me) or simply believe too much in Adnan.
Anyway, things'll turn out to be okay again eventually... perhaps in a few weeks. Chances are, most people would laugh at the new attempt of whoever while some would react violently and try to argue with the idiot. I've got half a mind to join in on the fun, but I'll try to see what happens first.
In the meantime... Damn, I think these French exchange students stink! There's some stench in the air that suddenly appeared in the air as soon as they sat near one of the computer terminals under the fan. I know that's pretty discriminating, but I don't have any other explanation for the sudden smell permeating in the air. Good thing the nose adapts quickly to pesky odors... But it doesn't mean that I'll gladly stay here while they reek...
Can't even think straight with the smell in the air. Gotta stop this and step outside for some fresh air first...
Friday, August 22, 2003
Abi's no longer with Michael since Wednesday. I just found that out last yesterday. Could that have been the reason why I suddenly wanted to call her up that day? I doubt it... I may be sensitive to people, but I doubt that I'm sensitive enough to know when someone needs my help. I just happen to chance upon those things sometimes... Like if Lassie suddenly needs someone to talk to for example. In her case, I know that Abi would much rather sort things out in her own way before she talks to someone else about it (and I'm just trying to escape from the responsibility of a friend: I'm supposed to comfort her in some way, but my recent events concerning other people no longer give me a right to do so... I just might drive her away).
Thankfully, she's pretty much over it when I talked to her yesterday. I think she's been preparing for it for quite some time. She pretty much decided to end it, instead of the guy deciding to end the relationship. She's a little morose right now, but I can feel that she's coping.
I hope she gets better soon. I didn't even know why I wanted to talk to her recently. Maybe I felt that I needed someone to talk to (despite the fact that I don't speak much), and since there's no one else that I can call... I called her. Its so refreshing to feel someone still trusts you to tell you about themselves.
Drank some nice cocktail at Chili's yesterday. It seemed that their bartender was included in a bartending contest (something that involved mixing drinks and juggling them around, I was eating, and didn't bother to observe much) and prepared an extra large glass for some strange reason. One of the managers offered the larger glass to our table (where my cousin refused because of its alcoholic content but which I gladly accepted) as a complimentary drink, on the house. Because I knew that it was only a cocktail, I gulped down the concoction -- nothing wrong with a silly cocktail, right?
Well, relatively right. The drink was good. The bartender made it taste like a slightly bitter juice, as if you were drinking diluted grapefruit -- except that the bitter taste came from the alcohol. I knew it was heavy alcohol from the first sip, but the taste had me coming back for more. I probably gulped down the equivalent of a beer mug's worth of liquid in less than 5 minutes, disregarding the salt crystals that lay sprinkled around the mouth of the glass (the salt around the glass was a dead giveaway of what was inside the drink).
I found out that the drink was called El Nino and it contained brandy, tequila, and some sweet and sour mix. I found first-hand that the drink was particularly potent (or maybe it was due to the amount that I imbibed in a short time) and would probably order the same drink when I go off to drinking parties with other people. At least I managed to get a drink yesterday, in contrast to the fact that I didn't get to drink anything last Thursday night... Maybe the next time someone (read: probably Lassie) invites me to a KTV party again, I'd be able to order some alcoholic drink without me looking at the contents of my wallet.
Thankfully, she's pretty much over it when I talked to her yesterday. I think she's been preparing for it for quite some time. She pretty much decided to end it, instead of the guy deciding to end the relationship. She's a little morose right now, but I can feel that she's coping.
I hope she gets better soon. I didn't even know why I wanted to talk to her recently. Maybe I felt that I needed someone to talk to (despite the fact that I don't speak much), and since there's no one else that I can call... I called her. Its so refreshing to feel someone still trusts you to tell you about themselves.
Drank some nice cocktail at Chili's yesterday. It seemed that their bartender was included in a bartending contest (something that involved mixing drinks and juggling them around, I was eating, and didn't bother to observe much) and prepared an extra large glass for some strange reason. One of the managers offered the larger glass to our table (where my cousin refused because of its alcoholic content but which I gladly accepted) as a complimentary drink, on the house. Because I knew that it was only a cocktail, I gulped down the concoction -- nothing wrong with a silly cocktail, right?
Well, relatively right. The drink was good. The bartender made it taste like a slightly bitter juice, as if you were drinking diluted grapefruit -- except that the bitter taste came from the alcohol. I knew it was heavy alcohol from the first sip, but the taste had me coming back for more. I probably gulped down the equivalent of a beer mug's worth of liquid in less than 5 minutes, disregarding the salt crystals that lay sprinkled around the mouth of the glass (the salt around the glass was a dead giveaway of what was inside the drink).
I found out that the drink was called El Nino and it contained brandy, tequila, and some sweet and sour mix. I found first-hand that the drink was particularly potent (or maybe it was due to the amount that I imbibed in a short time) and would probably order the same drink when I go off to drinking parties with other people. At least I managed to get a drink yesterday, in contrast to the fact that I didn't get to drink anything last Thursday night... Maybe the next time someone (read: probably Lassie) invites me to a KTV party again, I'd be able to order some alcoholic drink without me looking at the contents of my wallet.
Thursday, August 21, 2003
So it turned out that I did go to the farewell party last night. It was pretty fun, too bad I wasn't able to stay until the wee hours of the morning... Curfew and all that.
I've been imagining a possible scenario if things didn't turn out this way between my group of friends... We could all go to a KTV and spend a good night there. Sweet, Dulce, and Lana could hoard the microphones singing all sorts of songs that they'd want (Grace's place has a limited selection of songs after all). The others could just select songs that they'd want to sing (giving the mic hoarders time to choose their own songs...) and take the mic from the three when its their time to sing. Pai would also probably be there, smiling silently to a side and taking a shot at those random songs that other people don't have any idea how to sing... Jamie would probably be to a side fussing over songs that Sweet or Dulce would sing, drinking her beer (Red Horse, most probably) until she gets pretty drunk... Lassie would probably be restraining herself -- she'd either be the one selecting the songs to sing, or otherwise watching other people scream their lungs out. She'd probably try not to drink anything, unless she really suddenly wants to.
And the rest of the boys? Or the mafia? Well, they'd just be laughing at all that is transpiring, enjoying the night out (except for Yuso I think... He's too reserved for that kind of outing...). Tens would of course be beside Karen, while Karen is drinking a cocktail or two (or some other drink). Elbert... well, that's a sensitive issue... Probably beside Jamie trying to cuddle with her in the cold of the room (Jamie would of course allow him to do so, but find a way to escape or probably enjoy it depending on her mood). Terence would just be cuddling with Dulce encouraging her to sing every song that she can, occasionally pecking her cheek. He'd probably encourage Dulce to drink some beer or wine, if he happens to think about it. Jason and Aaron would probably be quiet most of the time, just shouting out some strange comments together with Adnan who would be beside Pai. All three probably drinking some sort of alcoholic drink -- beer perhaps, or something harder. Hubert could fit in anywhere he would want... Laughing at all the antics that Lana or any other person would be doing and managing not to drink anything alcoholic. Jonald would probably be to a side shouting out all sorts of comments to the singers or something.
It would be a rowdy good time. Just the sort needed at the end of a semester. Or to celebrate a birthday. Or just a fun way to party.
However, that would never happen now. Things aren't that idyllic anymore. "Friendships" have gone down the drain, and are not going to resurface anytime soon. I myself can't seem to stand the presence of half of those people that I've mentioned. Organizing such a party at this time would end in disaster, with the Elitists opting to ruin the night just to annoy Lassie, while Pai would just probably stand up and leave (maybe going with the Elitists just to have someone to be with). Or Lassie would probably mention some stinging comment directed towards them... Dulce wouldn't even stay too long because I'm around.
Amazing how "friendships" would suddenly turn sour when you least expect them.
Anyway. I had a dream where I thought that my brother was cursed. In my dream, all his pictures suddenly showed him turning gray and/or silvery -- the color of a dead man or a spirit come back to haunt. And all his hair suddenly turned up. I was surprised and actually scared at first. But someone took care of the matter, and my brother's curse was broken.
Imagine my surprise when the picture I was holding -- my own picture that I was holding -- suddenly started to change before my eyes... My image was taking on that same color... And my hair, my long hair suddenly started to rise up... I tried looking for a way to break the curse on me, while doing an errand to boot. I tried to buy some roast meat at a food store, only to find all of it going sour. I believed that the curse came from the north, and as I was about to know the identity of my transgressor...
I woke up.
How annoying.
I've been imagining a possible scenario if things didn't turn out this way between my group of friends... We could all go to a KTV and spend a good night there. Sweet, Dulce, and Lana could hoard the microphones singing all sorts of songs that they'd want (Grace's place has a limited selection of songs after all). The others could just select songs that they'd want to sing (giving the mic hoarders time to choose their own songs...) and take the mic from the three when its their time to sing. Pai would also probably be there, smiling silently to a side and taking a shot at those random songs that other people don't have any idea how to sing... Jamie would probably be to a side fussing over songs that Sweet or Dulce would sing, drinking her beer (Red Horse, most probably) until she gets pretty drunk... Lassie would probably be restraining herself -- she'd either be the one selecting the songs to sing, or otherwise watching other people scream their lungs out. She'd probably try not to drink anything, unless she really suddenly wants to.
And the rest of the boys? Or the mafia? Well, they'd just be laughing at all that is transpiring, enjoying the night out (except for Yuso I think... He's too reserved for that kind of outing...). Tens would of course be beside Karen, while Karen is drinking a cocktail or two (or some other drink). Elbert... well, that's a sensitive issue... Probably beside Jamie trying to cuddle with her in the cold of the room (Jamie would of course allow him to do so, but find a way to escape or probably enjoy it depending on her mood). Terence would just be cuddling with Dulce encouraging her to sing every song that she can, occasionally pecking her cheek. He'd probably encourage Dulce to drink some beer or wine, if he happens to think about it. Jason and Aaron would probably be quiet most of the time, just shouting out some strange comments together with Adnan who would be beside Pai. All three probably drinking some sort of alcoholic drink -- beer perhaps, or something harder. Hubert could fit in anywhere he would want... Laughing at all the antics that Lana or any other person would be doing and managing not to drink anything alcoholic. Jonald would probably be to a side shouting out all sorts of comments to the singers or something.
It would be a rowdy good time. Just the sort needed at the end of a semester. Or to celebrate a birthday. Or just a fun way to party.
However, that would never happen now. Things aren't that idyllic anymore. "Friendships" have gone down the drain, and are not going to resurface anytime soon. I myself can't seem to stand the presence of half of those people that I've mentioned. Organizing such a party at this time would end in disaster, with the Elitists opting to ruin the night just to annoy Lassie, while Pai would just probably stand up and leave (maybe going with the Elitists just to have someone to be with). Or Lassie would probably mention some stinging comment directed towards them... Dulce wouldn't even stay too long because I'm around.
Amazing how "friendships" would suddenly turn sour when you least expect them.
Anyway. I had a dream where I thought that my brother was cursed. In my dream, all his pictures suddenly showed him turning gray and/or silvery -- the color of a dead man or a spirit come back to haunt. And all his hair suddenly turned up. I was surprised and actually scared at first. But someone took care of the matter, and my brother's curse was broken.
Imagine my surprise when the picture I was holding -- my own picture that I was holding -- suddenly started to change before my eyes... My image was taking on that same color... And my hair, my long hair suddenly started to rise up... I tried looking for a way to break the curse on me, while doing an errand to boot. I tried to buy some roast meat at a food store, only to find all of it going sour. I believed that the curse came from the north, and as I was about to know the identity of my transgressor...
I woke up.
How annoying.
Lassie's plan to give a farewell party for Thea managed to succeed. They managed to get Martin to drive them to Libis and find a KTV or something there. I don't know what they intend to do tonight. I planned to go with them to get drunk, but something else came up: I'll have to go to Ortigas. If luck is with me, I might be able to get a taxi later to haul myself to whatever KTV they might be in... Otherwise, I'll just have to stuff myself silly with maki and ramen.
I've been feeling pretty bored today. Must be because I came in around 30 minutes late for my first class. It sort of broke my momentum I guess. I was really prepped to take quizzes and other schoolwork all day long. But the stroke of luck that I got today actually turned me off.
I was supposed to have an exam on that most annoying subject in existence: Theo. However, it turned out that our teacher was sick for the day and wouldn't be able to give the test. Instead, the exam got moved to a later date. Good thing too, because I found out that I know close to nothing about today's exam. If he gave a simple True of False/ Multiple Choice exam, I would probably be able to pass. But if he were to give an essay type exam...
Anyway, all the other classes that I've attended almost drove me off to sleep. That's what I get for coming to class late, I guess. I wasn't able to relate to anything that our teacher was talking about (I went in just to submit homework, then slipped out again) since I had to rush some assignments. I guess I'll have to read the handouts myself just to figure out just how much I've missed out. The same goes for my philosophy class since I've been escaping from that class like crazy... I'll have to get some decent grades from there soon...
I really have to work out soon. There's this unseemly bulge in my tummy that keeps reminding me to do so. I just can't seem to find the time, despite the amount of free time that I always find myself having.
I feel like no one seems to read the Record. Not surprising at all. If it keeps the events that happened in my life, then naturally its going to be boring. Nothing interesting seems to happen in my life. Or honestly, sometimes, I don't know how to see the great things that happen around me.
I have two months to prepare myself for the worst. I think the same things will happen again -- I'll get ignored by Lassie again for some time, and I'll have to find some way to steel myself against that eventuality. I mean, if it doesn't happen, great! But I don't want to keep my hopes up... There's a high chance that the same things will happen soon, and I'll be autistic for a half-year again. Until Lassie decides to talk to me again.
At least I know that Lassie will talk to me again. Other people that I used to call my friends just don't show any hint that they'd want to associate with me. I always prided myself for knowing the truth, but I guess I've been deluding myself all this time: I don't think I would know the truth if it stared me right in the face.
I don't believe that things will ever turn out fine between me and Dulce. I don't think I'll be able to patch things up with Pai. I don't suppose Jamie would ever think of me as a person again...
Hah! As if being a pessimist/realist would ever suit me, when I know that my entire being screams "HOPE". I wouldn't be this happy-go-lucky if I believed that things will never turn out to be better... I know, one day, I'll be able to look the world straight in the eye and laugh again, like I used to do. Perhaps when I get out of this "woe is me" state...
I've been feeling pretty bored today. Must be because I came in around 30 minutes late for my first class. It sort of broke my momentum I guess. I was really prepped to take quizzes and other schoolwork all day long. But the stroke of luck that I got today actually turned me off.
I was supposed to have an exam on that most annoying subject in existence: Theo. However, it turned out that our teacher was sick for the day and wouldn't be able to give the test. Instead, the exam got moved to a later date. Good thing too, because I found out that I know close to nothing about today's exam. If he gave a simple True of False/ Multiple Choice exam, I would probably be able to pass. But if he were to give an essay type exam...
Anyway, all the other classes that I've attended almost drove me off to sleep. That's what I get for coming to class late, I guess. I wasn't able to relate to anything that our teacher was talking about (I went in just to submit homework, then slipped out again) since I had to rush some assignments. I guess I'll have to read the handouts myself just to figure out just how much I've missed out. The same goes for my philosophy class since I've been escaping from that class like crazy... I'll have to get some decent grades from there soon...
I really have to work out soon. There's this unseemly bulge in my tummy that keeps reminding me to do so. I just can't seem to find the time, despite the amount of free time that I always find myself having.
I feel like no one seems to read the Record. Not surprising at all. If it keeps the events that happened in my life, then naturally its going to be boring. Nothing interesting seems to happen in my life. Or honestly, sometimes, I don't know how to see the great things that happen around me.
I have two months to prepare myself for the worst. I think the same things will happen again -- I'll get ignored by Lassie again for some time, and I'll have to find some way to steel myself against that eventuality. I mean, if it doesn't happen, great! But I don't want to keep my hopes up... There's a high chance that the same things will happen soon, and I'll be autistic for a half-year again. Until Lassie decides to talk to me again.
At least I know that Lassie will talk to me again. Other people that I used to call my friends just don't show any hint that they'd want to associate with me. I always prided myself for knowing the truth, but I guess I've been deluding myself all this time: I don't think I would know the truth if it stared me right in the face.
I don't believe that things will ever turn out fine between me and Dulce. I don't think I'll be able to patch things up with Pai. I don't suppose Jamie would ever think of me as a person again...
Hah! As if being a pessimist/realist would ever suit me, when I know that my entire being screams "HOPE". I wouldn't be this happy-go-lucky if I believed that things will never turn out to be better... I know, one day, I'll be able to look the world straight in the eye and laugh again, like I used to do. Perhaps when I get out of this "woe is me" state...
I am 73% Evil Genius
Evil courses through my blood. Lies and deceit motivate my evil deeds. Crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in my doings.
Take the Evil Genius Test at fuali.com
I am 67% Tortured Artist
Art is significant in my life, people are scum but I have the capicity to deal with it. Give it a few more years and I will either forget about art or hate the world.
Take the Tortured Artist Test at fuali.com
I am 38% Internet Addict
I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck!
Take the Internet Addict Test at fuali.com
I am 28% Geek
You probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. You never really fit in with the "normal" crowd. But you have friends, and this is a good thing.
Take the Geek Test at fuali.com
Evil courses through my blood. Lies and deceit motivate my evil deeds. Crushing the weaklings and idiots that do nothing but interfere in my doings.
Take the Evil Genius Test at fuali.com
I am 67% Tortured Artist
Art is significant in my life, people are scum but I have the capicity to deal with it. Give it a few more years and I will either forget about art or hate the world.
Take the Tortured Artist Test at fuali.com
I am 38% Internet Addict
I could go either way. Deep into the madness of nights filled with coding CGI-Scripts and online role playing games, or I could become a normal user. Good luck!
Take the Internet Addict Test at fuali.com
I am 28% Geek
You probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. You never really fit in with the "normal" crowd. But you have friends, and this is a good thing.
Take the Geek Test at fuali.com
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Protector
The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla
So why do I always have these thoughts of violence in my head? Honestly, I can't understand myself completely... Its like I'm several Frosts in one body!
You are Sakura Avilon! Sweet, cute, and very
upbeat, how can anyone hate you? You feel as if
you have two lives, and you don't have much of
a problem keeping them secret from each other
thanks to your friends! You're kind of a
chicken though, get some courage girl, not all
dark houses are haunted! When it comes to guys,
you have abit of trouble, but you survive
anyways since you have someone who's after you!
Which Anime Girl Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Er, I don't get it... Why?
grrrrrr
you are grrrrr
you dont fit any of these, you wish that everyone
would just die!
you: "like i said before, everyone will
suffer"
What kind of idiot are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Heh... Interesting quiz, would have wanted to get Fool, but...
You're Nordic! Your people hail from the harsh
northern lands, where it's cold and there's not
enough food for everyone! The arch-nemesis of
the Romans and the British, the Nords couldn't
stay put, and they spilled into Germania,
preventing the Romans from extending there, and
much later invaded Britain and took over most
of it. A fierce, and deadly people, not to be
trifled with.
Which ancient society do you belong to?
brought to you by Quizilla
Aye.
You are words- Cool and calculating, you're
vicious. The evil weapon, and more often than
not the most painful.
What Weapon Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
"Oh really now...?"
Still can't figure out why the blogger interface I have here at home seems to keep on changing... At least this time, I have my favorite interface: I can see my previous articles as I'm writing right now...
And the top picture that I'm seeing right now just screams "pretty lady" at me! I don't think I've ever put any picture here before that could compare to that picture!
Ahem, anyway... Reading through my other articles in the journal, I feel like I'm starting to sound like an "I" person... As if there were no one else important in the world to write about. Noticed it as I was writing today's article for the journal too -- I kept on thinking of other ways to phrase my sentences without using the pronoun referring to the self. Could it be that as I seek to let others know what I am doing, I am turning into the kind of person that I dislike? But I already know that I dislike myself for being an arrogant hypocrite... So what is it really? An attempt to be consistent with the personality that I show other people?
I doubt it... Most people already know how I act... My writings on the journal shouldn't be too contradicting... Hopefully....
What do I care anyway what other people think?
Plenty, actually. I've realized this weekend just what kind of a fool I've been for trying to look for someone else's attention. As a person, I've always tried to be there for someone else in case they had a problem... As far as I can remember, there is no one in the world that I've ever told anything of myself. Naturally, as a helper, I'll be there to solve problems. I had never considered my effectivity in helping other people through their problems... Perhaps in some cases, there were times that they're problems have been solved. In fact, it could be entirely possible that there was a span of time when there were no problems that needed to be solved. Therefore, because there was no one that needed my help, I suddenly felt all alone and misinterpreted this loneliness as something that needed to be addressed by other people.
... I seem to be contradiciting myself here...
Er, I think what I've realized over the weekend is that I'm becoming a "user" in my own way... Looking for people to help just to keep myself content... I can't fully explain further here... Whatever I've thought about over the weekend is starting to slip away, and I can't seem to catch up to it. If I'm sounding weird, just ignore the previous paragraph. Chances are, the previous paragraph is actually wrong... I can't think properly about it anymore...
I do know right now that a few minutes of listening to the radio at night tends to dull my senses, making me sleep easier and taking away all the thoughts that I usually have before I go to sleep. As relaxing as music may be, I sometimes need the thoughts that keep me company on my journey to sleep. The thoughts keep my brain working instead of pushing it to a semi-living state.
I also know that I prefer Lassie's company to most other people's right now. I feel like it has come to the point where I have no one to speak to anymore. I can't see why Jamie and the Elitists would start avoiding me just because I'm constantly with Lassie lately. Or maybe they really just don't want to be with me in the first place and my being with Lassie right now gives them the perfect opportunity to ignore me completely... I've been with them this morning, contrary to what I wrote down in the journal. I saw her and Lana in the library, apparently researching for Rex's or Anne's lab activity. I've been sitting across them from the table, and the only time that they conversed with me was when they were about to leave the library. Only stopping to ask why I was in school today, and if Yuso was with me...
I find it so silly for them to ask if Yuso's with me... After 4 years of being with me, don't they still know that I'd go to school with or without Yuso? And does Jamie really think that Yuso would go to school in the day's weather???? Besides, does going to school really entail a reason? Anyway, I feel so disgusted associating with them right now that I don't even know if I want to remain friends with them or not.
I did see Pai yesterday morning. She was sleeping in the laboratory when I arrived. It would seem from her behavior that she doesn't want anything to do with me at all. There have been several opportunities for the two of us to greet each other as I enter the laboratory, or as I see her make her way towards class with Nich. But I don't really think I should make the first move. Or if I should make any move at all... She's broken off the "best friend" relationship that she had with me, as well as the friendship (if there ever was one, and not just an economic give-take relationship) we had when she refused to talk to me after the night's argument. I know I'd survive even if I have to think of her (and Dulce) every now and then.
I'd probably have to prepare myself too when Lassie decides to leave me behind, again. Thankfully, I'm not as attached to her as I was before. At least, not yet...
Which reminds me: Lassie also has a stalker. According to her at least... And this stalker calls her a bitch as well, probably in reference to how she treated Hubert and Elbert over the summer and the start of the sem. If this is true or not, I don't know. Because of certain events, I no longer know what is true and what is not true. I don't think I'd want to believe someone's else's claims of truth again. I'd like to help her out, but remembering what happened the last time I tried helping other people (as well as what happens when I want to help people), perhaps it would be better to let her sort things out. Besides, I wouldn't even know what to do with her stalker if I figure out who it is.
And the top picture that I'm seeing right now just screams "pretty lady" at me! I don't think I've ever put any picture here before that could compare to that picture!
Ahem, anyway... Reading through my other articles in the journal, I feel like I'm starting to sound like an "I" person... As if there were no one else important in the world to write about. Noticed it as I was writing today's article for the journal too -- I kept on thinking of other ways to phrase my sentences without using the pronoun referring to the self. Could it be that as I seek to let others know what I am doing, I am turning into the kind of person that I dislike? But I already know that I dislike myself for being an arrogant hypocrite... So what is it really? An attempt to be consistent with the personality that I show other people?
I doubt it... Most people already know how I act... My writings on the journal shouldn't be too contradicting... Hopefully....
What do I care anyway what other people think?
Plenty, actually. I've realized this weekend just what kind of a fool I've been for trying to look for someone else's attention. As a person, I've always tried to be there for someone else in case they had a problem... As far as I can remember, there is no one in the world that I've ever told anything of myself. Naturally, as a helper, I'll be there to solve problems. I had never considered my effectivity in helping other people through their problems... Perhaps in some cases, there were times that they're problems have been solved. In fact, it could be entirely possible that there was a span of time when there were no problems that needed to be solved. Therefore, because there was no one that needed my help, I suddenly felt all alone and misinterpreted this loneliness as something that needed to be addressed by other people.
... I seem to be contradiciting myself here...
Er, I think what I've realized over the weekend is that I'm becoming a "user" in my own way... Looking for people to help just to keep myself content... I can't fully explain further here... Whatever I've thought about over the weekend is starting to slip away, and I can't seem to catch up to it. If I'm sounding weird, just ignore the previous paragraph. Chances are, the previous paragraph is actually wrong... I can't think properly about it anymore...
I do know right now that a few minutes of listening to the radio at night tends to dull my senses, making me sleep easier and taking away all the thoughts that I usually have before I go to sleep. As relaxing as music may be, I sometimes need the thoughts that keep me company on my journey to sleep. The thoughts keep my brain working instead of pushing it to a semi-living state.
I also know that I prefer Lassie's company to most other people's right now. I feel like it has come to the point where I have no one to speak to anymore. I can't see why Jamie and the Elitists would start avoiding me just because I'm constantly with Lassie lately. Or maybe they really just don't want to be with me in the first place and my being with Lassie right now gives them the perfect opportunity to ignore me completely... I've been with them this morning, contrary to what I wrote down in the journal. I saw her and Lana in the library, apparently researching for Rex's or Anne's lab activity. I've been sitting across them from the table, and the only time that they conversed with me was when they were about to leave the library. Only stopping to ask why I was in school today, and if Yuso was with me...
I find it so silly for them to ask if Yuso's with me... After 4 years of being with me, don't they still know that I'd go to school with or without Yuso? And does Jamie really think that Yuso would go to school in the day's weather???? Besides, does going to school really entail a reason? Anyway, I feel so disgusted associating with them right now that I don't even know if I want to remain friends with them or not.
I did see Pai yesterday morning. She was sleeping in the laboratory when I arrived. It would seem from her behavior that she doesn't want anything to do with me at all. There have been several opportunities for the two of us to greet each other as I enter the laboratory, or as I see her make her way towards class with Nich. But I don't really think I should make the first move. Or if I should make any move at all... She's broken off the "best friend" relationship that she had with me, as well as the friendship (if there ever was one, and not just an economic give-take relationship) we had when she refused to talk to me after the night's argument. I know I'd survive even if I have to think of her (and Dulce) every now and then.
I'd probably have to prepare myself too when Lassie decides to leave me behind, again. Thankfully, I'm not as attached to her as I was before. At least, not yet...
Which reminds me: Lassie also has a stalker. According to her at least... And this stalker calls her a bitch as well, probably in reference to how she treated Hubert and Elbert over the summer and the start of the sem. If this is true or not, I don't know. Because of certain events, I no longer know what is true and what is not true. I don't think I'd want to believe someone's else's claims of truth again. I'd like to help her out, but remembering what happened the last time I tried helping other people (as well as what happens when I want to help people), perhaps it would be better to let her sort things out. Besides, I wouldn't even know what to do with her stalker if I figure out who it is.
Friday, August 15, 2003
You are ice. You have a cold exterior but a warm
heart.
What element is your soul?
brought to you by Quizilla
Funny thing about this quiz though, there seems to be only one result! Its a pretty picture though...
Power Rangers Movie!
What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla
What the ....????
You are an element of Soul
Which element are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
I'm really irritated by this extra screen that Blogger gives me to write on... I miss the old screen which shows the previous articles that have been written down. Sadly, I still don't know how to access that screen at home, I'm assuming it has something to do with an upgraded internet explorer.
Dulce is doing the AM receiver circuit with Tennessy. Meaning, as much as I'd like to stay there and chat, I can't. No reason to explain why I couldn't. So here I am wandering around aimlessly, waiting for her to go away or for the circuit to work. Whichever comes first. I still have to attend to laboratory reports tonight so that I wouldn't have any worries tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll be able to find some change later to commute home.
An interesting thought occurred to me a while ago. I've been avoiding people because I felt that they should come and approach me instead of my approaching them. I just realized that there would also come a time when even those people who I'm currently on good terms on, would leave me behind, to pursue their own interests. I'm never a part of anyone's interests anyway... Best for me to prepare for that eventuality now. At least, when the time comes, I wouldn't be any more autistic than I am right now.
I've been growing more and more detached lately... I don't know if its a reaction of other people, or just me doing something extraordinary (like associating with Lassie, for example). Personally, I'd like everything to go back to normal... But I guess I understand now what Pai and Adnan mean about "going back is impossible". If worse comes to worst, I guess my books will never leave me behind, and the same goes for my games too. I don't think I have anything to fear for being antisocial... At least, not now perhaps...
I just wonder how people will treat me once I step out of college if I insist on being this way... Is it so wrong to insist on a little bit of attention?
If my pride doesn't kill me, I bet my stubbornness will.
Dulce is doing the AM receiver circuit with Tennessy. Meaning, as much as I'd like to stay there and chat, I can't. No reason to explain why I couldn't. So here I am wandering around aimlessly, waiting for her to go away or for the circuit to work. Whichever comes first. I still have to attend to laboratory reports tonight so that I wouldn't have any worries tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll be able to find some change later to commute home.
An interesting thought occurred to me a while ago. I've been avoiding people because I felt that they should come and approach me instead of my approaching them. I just realized that there would also come a time when even those people who I'm currently on good terms on, would leave me behind, to pursue their own interests. I'm never a part of anyone's interests anyway... Best for me to prepare for that eventuality now. At least, when the time comes, I wouldn't be any more autistic than I am right now.
I've been growing more and more detached lately... I don't know if its a reaction of other people, or just me doing something extraordinary (like associating with Lassie, for example). Personally, I'd like everything to go back to normal... But I guess I understand now what Pai and Adnan mean about "going back is impossible". If worse comes to worst, I guess my books will never leave me behind, and the same goes for my games too. I don't think I have anything to fear for being antisocial... At least, not now perhaps...
I just wonder how people will treat me once I step out of college if I insist on being this way... Is it so wrong to insist on a little bit of attention?
If my pride doesn't kill me, I bet my stubbornness will.
Monday, August 11, 2003
I actually forgot what I wrote down the last time... I wonder if I'm becoming too old for things...
Anyway. Lassie was asking around what "blogger" was for. I gave her a simple answer: its for writing things down, or looking at it another way, its like your own website. I tried showing her Charles's blog, but it was suffering from some technical problems. I tried showing her my blog but Borj came in to configure a personal Ragnarok game on Lassie's laptop. Not that she was impressed by what Blogger could possibly do... She asked me why the journal doesn't have as many entries as other people...
I was sorely tempted to show her this book. Thankfully, something stopped me from doing so. It wasn't until later that I remembered what I've been writing down about her on this book. Hehe... That was close...
I'm getting over my feelings of depression, and I have Lassie to thank for it. I was surprised this morning though, when she told me of a phrase that I only told Dino -- that Jamie and Co. were a bunch of "elitists". I wonder why that guy told her... I've got to watch my mouth around people next time...
I have this feeling that there are other people who are reading through my entries. I mean, aside from Adnan, Pai and her mom... I feel like there's someone else who's reading through this... I just hope they're not people that I've been writing about...
Anyway. Lassie was asking around what "blogger" was for. I gave her a simple answer: its for writing things down, or looking at it another way, its like your own website. I tried showing her Charles's blog, but it was suffering from some technical problems. I tried showing her my blog but Borj came in to configure a personal Ragnarok game on Lassie's laptop. Not that she was impressed by what Blogger could possibly do... She asked me why the journal doesn't have as many entries as other people...
I was sorely tempted to show her this book. Thankfully, something stopped me from doing so. It wasn't until later that I remembered what I've been writing down about her on this book. Hehe... That was close...
I'm getting over my feelings of depression, and I have Lassie to thank for it. I was surprised this morning though, when she told me of a phrase that I only told Dino -- that Jamie and Co. were a bunch of "elitists". I wonder why that guy told her... I've got to watch my mouth around people next time...
I have this feeling that there are other people who are reading through my entries. I mean, aside from Adnan, Pai and her mom... I feel like there's someone else who's reading through this... I just hope they're not people that I've been writing about...
Friday, August 08, 2003
Went to Wraith's game last night. I thought I would be able to see Candy since it was a Friday and there was nowhere that she could go to... It's been quite some time since I last saw her anyway. However, throughout out the night, not once did I even see her shadow.
Somehow, I knew that she was in her room though. I know that the door to her room is always open when she's not around, but last night, the door was closed. I believe that she was in the room, after all, I could hear anime music coming out from it, plus the sound of someone speaking. I tried knocking on her door, and trying to open it, but apparently, it was closed (or locked, I figure its locked).
I wonder why she didn't even bother to greet some guests, or join in Wraith's game? Could it be possible that she's avoiding someone? If so, I wonder if its me, or Wraith? I have this feeling that she's avoiding me... I wonder why though... Of course, it could also be possible that she wasn't feeling well last night, or maybe she had something important to do and didn't want to be bothered. *sigh* And I was looking forward to seeing her...
Somehow, I knew that she was in her room though. I know that the door to her room is always open when she's not around, but last night, the door was closed. I believe that she was in the room, after all, I could hear anime music coming out from it, plus the sound of someone speaking. I tried knocking on her door, and trying to open it, but apparently, it was closed (or locked, I figure its locked).
I wonder why she didn't even bother to greet some guests, or join in Wraith's game? Could it be possible that she's avoiding someone? If so, I wonder if its me, or Wraith? I have this feeling that she's avoiding me... I wonder why though... Of course, it could also be possible that she wasn't feeling well last night, or maybe she had something important to do and didn't want to be bothered. *sigh* And I was looking forward to seeing her...
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
You best represent a Sniper Rifle!
Sniper Rifles are best known for their ability to
take down a target in one shot with very high
accuracy. Modern sniper rifles are used to
disable vehicles by blowing really big holes in
the engine. Of course, these weapons are also
used to blow big holes in people. Snipers are
utilized in SWAT situations, especially when a
fugitive holds hostages. Hunting rifles are
also usually considered sniper rifles.
What type of gun are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You would drown someone! That's, like, the most
torturous way! You know, a lot of people have
NIGHTMARES about drowning... meanie. Yay! Kill
people! Chinese water torture is pretty good...
have FUN, you evil person.
What's your ideal murder weapon?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm thinking I'm feeling a bit jealous of Jason and Jamie. Nothing new here... I've felt that way with Cholo, Adnan, and even Aaron and Tennessy on occassion. Its my fault for not doing anything when I had a chance. Not that I really care right now -- I'm getting irritated with their presence. I feel like I can't stomach being in the same room with them, including Jamie's other friends. My mind's been poisoned into thinking negative thoughts.
I've been spending too much time with Lassie lately... Not only have I poisoned my mind into thinking negatively, but also with thoughts of her. How unlucky can I get? I really have to find a way to distance myself from all these thoughts that are in my head. I no longer wish to spend my time with these people. There's no sense because these people don't even want anything to do with me. I'd rather spend my time alone.
Ahhh... No more! Stay away from me!!!!
I'd rather go down and stay with Lassie in the driveway than to stay up here and listen to them... I'm damned if I stay here, damned if I go downstairs... Damn it.
I just remembered that Elbert must be editing the comments that get into his own blog. I was surprised to find my own comments gone from where it was supposed to be. Instead it was replaced with a more... wholesome comment from some other member of his group of friends. Perhaps that was the reason that Jamie was surprised when she checked his blog -- she maybe expecting some sort of reply from her own comments and was disappointed when she found that her comment was no longer there. As much as she denies feeling nothing more for him, she still keeps him in her heart.
What a hypocrite. Just like me.
Monday, August 04, 2003
Today has got to be the most senseless Monday that I've experienced in the semester so far. I was expecting to at least finish a few dangling homeworks in school today. Unfortunately, I arrived in school only to find out that the internet services for the special room has been cut off (albeit temporarily). It would appear that our teacher got pissed off last Friday for some stupid stunt that Nich pulled off and is punishing the entire class for it (not just the Friday class -- all the classes). Assumingly, the internet services was part of this punishment...
Thankfully, I had to attend a photo shoot for the yearbook this morning. At least I wasted close to 2 hours of my time accomplishing something this morning, even though I almost went insane with all the preparation it required. While I can tolerate putting on make-up for photo shoots, I just cannot find way to comb my hair properly (My hairstylist does it for me after I get my hair cut)... So I left it in its natural wet state, which turned out to be a problem because its hard to maintain... A minor problem during the photo shoot, really, it just annoyed me that all the people there fussed over my appearance.
At least that takes care of one photo shoot, now if only I can think of something for my creative post next week...
Because there were no computer terminals in the laboratory that could access the internet, I had no other choice but to go back down to the driveway and talk my mouth off. After finishing the new Marvel rulebook over the weekend, I was excited to try it out with the usual people -- Santi and Anton. They looked up to it, and if all goes well, I might be able to start character creation on Friday coupled with a sample game.
Of course, when Lassie arrived, I had nothing better to do than to hang around further at the driveway. My idiotic self is starting to return -- I can no longer ask my feet to lead me away from a location once Lassie arrives. Perhaps I should find a remedy for this disease. If my idiotic self manages to take hold over me, then I'm good as dead...
At least I managed to massage Lassie. It would appear that she swam over the weekend, and was suffering from muscle aches. Hopefully, I managed to relieve her pain, otherwise all that effort would probably have been wasted.
This afternoon, I managed to find Chico and SJ's gaming shop near Katipunan. With nothing better to do, I managed to convince Chico to teach me how to play the L5R card game -- it was a long time since I played that game and I couldn't remember many rules. They were helpful enough to give me a military Lion deck -- something that was easy to learn. Unfortunately, the deck that it was going up against suffered a lot of bumps during its play. I was expecting to lose a few games this afternoon, and take those losses as a learning experience. Instead I won a few games barely understanding why my actions were effective. Perhaps when I find myself with more money I'd buy a deck for myself -- preferably Crab.
During the course of this afternoon's tutoring, I was surprised to find Sebie come in to buy, of all things, cigarettes. Perhaps if I knew Sebie a little better I might be tempted to court her (she has a boyfriend right now, I think), she's a pretty chinese girl that's just my type. However, seeing her buy cigarettes, well, I just got a bit turned off with her... She's still pretty in my eyes, but the cigarettes get in the way.
She got interested with the cards layed out on the table though, and sat on Chico's empty seat (he was serving the other female customers that came in with Sebie to buy their cigarettes), eyeing the cards one by one mistaking them for Magic. Noting the difference, she asked me to teach her how to play the game. I told her I was just starting to learn the game and couldn't teach her. Too bad, I guess, because it seemed like she was really interested in it. Perhaps some other time when I get the chance? I was a little bit distracted with her though, because she kept on tapping the end of the back end of the cigarette pack (to "pack all the nicotine to the tip of the cigarette" if I remember the reason from other smokers). Even though she kept on insisting that the cigarettes weren't hers, somehow her body language told me otherwise.
As they were about to leave, I asked them to try to quit smoking. As usual, my words just fell on deaf ears.
Talked to Adnan tonight. Apparently, I was right when I noticed that Jason likes Jamie -- Jason's been thinking of a good way to court Jamie. However, I think that he was wrong to have stayed with them in the studio (I've been to the studio today to borrow a shaver from Lana. The place is just as big as the Master's Bedroom here at home). While Jamie may know that Jason likes her, it might not look nice when people find that out. They might say that he's taking advantage of the time they're spending in that studio...
Apparently, Jamie also knew I liked her. Adnan mentioned that it was obvious, I didn't think so. I told him in the first place that I liked Jamie. If I didn't tell him, I doubt he would have even known. I tried asking for Jamie's reaction when she knew though, but Adnan maintained that he's been sworn to secrecy about it. I wonder to what extent I should trust that person though. There's been a good number of things that he's been refusing to tell me, and there have been some complications lately...
Ha! Swearing secrecy to Jamie... I wonder how much that would be worth though... If I know Jamie, the moment that she hears something more juicy, she'd be willing to part with secrets from other people just to get what she wants. Or even worse, she'll bargain with an interesting bit of information in exchange for yours, only to hold out on her part of the bargain.
Is it any wonder I find it hard to treat people as people anymore? I feel like the world I'm living in is a gigantic excercise in Marxist Economics. Use everyone to your advantage.
How unfortunate that I never learned how to play that game very well...
Thankfully, I had to attend a photo shoot for the yearbook this morning. At least I wasted close to 2 hours of my time accomplishing something this morning, even though I almost went insane with all the preparation it required. While I can tolerate putting on make-up for photo shoots, I just cannot find way to comb my hair properly (My hairstylist does it for me after I get my hair cut)... So I left it in its natural wet state, which turned out to be a problem because its hard to maintain... A minor problem during the photo shoot, really, it just annoyed me that all the people there fussed over my appearance.
At least that takes care of one photo shoot, now if only I can think of something for my creative post next week...
Because there were no computer terminals in the laboratory that could access the internet, I had no other choice but to go back down to the driveway and talk my mouth off. After finishing the new Marvel rulebook over the weekend, I was excited to try it out with the usual people -- Santi and Anton. They looked up to it, and if all goes well, I might be able to start character creation on Friday coupled with a sample game.
Of course, when Lassie arrived, I had nothing better to do than to hang around further at the driveway. My idiotic self is starting to return -- I can no longer ask my feet to lead me away from a location once Lassie arrives. Perhaps I should find a remedy for this disease. If my idiotic self manages to take hold over me, then I'm good as dead...
At least I managed to massage Lassie. It would appear that she swam over the weekend, and was suffering from muscle aches. Hopefully, I managed to relieve her pain, otherwise all that effort would probably have been wasted.
This afternoon, I managed to find Chico and SJ's gaming shop near Katipunan. With nothing better to do, I managed to convince Chico to teach me how to play the L5R card game -- it was a long time since I played that game and I couldn't remember many rules. They were helpful enough to give me a military Lion deck -- something that was easy to learn. Unfortunately, the deck that it was going up against suffered a lot of bumps during its play. I was expecting to lose a few games this afternoon, and take those losses as a learning experience. Instead I won a few games barely understanding why my actions were effective. Perhaps when I find myself with more money I'd buy a deck for myself -- preferably Crab.
During the course of this afternoon's tutoring, I was surprised to find Sebie come in to buy, of all things, cigarettes. Perhaps if I knew Sebie a little better I might be tempted to court her (she has a boyfriend right now, I think), she's a pretty chinese girl that's just my type. However, seeing her buy cigarettes, well, I just got a bit turned off with her... She's still pretty in my eyes, but the cigarettes get in the way.
She got interested with the cards layed out on the table though, and sat on Chico's empty seat (he was serving the other female customers that came in with Sebie to buy their cigarettes), eyeing the cards one by one mistaking them for Magic. Noting the difference, she asked me to teach her how to play the game. I told her I was just starting to learn the game and couldn't teach her. Too bad, I guess, because it seemed like she was really interested in it. Perhaps some other time when I get the chance? I was a little bit distracted with her though, because she kept on tapping the end of the back end of the cigarette pack (to "pack all the nicotine to the tip of the cigarette" if I remember the reason from other smokers). Even though she kept on insisting that the cigarettes weren't hers, somehow her body language told me otherwise.
As they were about to leave, I asked them to try to quit smoking. As usual, my words just fell on deaf ears.
Talked to Adnan tonight. Apparently, I was right when I noticed that Jason likes Jamie -- Jason's been thinking of a good way to court Jamie. However, I think that he was wrong to have stayed with them in the studio (I've been to the studio today to borrow a shaver from Lana. The place is just as big as the Master's Bedroom here at home). While Jamie may know that Jason likes her, it might not look nice when people find that out. They might say that he's taking advantage of the time they're spending in that studio...
Apparently, Jamie also knew I liked her. Adnan mentioned that it was obvious, I didn't think so. I told him in the first place that I liked Jamie. If I didn't tell him, I doubt he would have even known. I tried asking for Jamie's reaction when she knew though, but Adnan maintained that he's been sworn to secrecy about it. I wonder to what extent I should trust that person though. There's been a good number of things that he's been refusing to tell me, and there have been some complications lately...
Ha! Swearing secrecy to Jamie... I wonder how much that would be worth though... If I know Jamie, the moment that she hears something more juicy, she'd be willing to part with secrets from other people just to get what she wants. Or even worse, she'll bargain with an interesting bit of information in exchange for yours, only to hold out on her part of the bargain.
Is it any wonder I find it hard to treat people as people anymore? I feel like the world I'm living in is a gigantic excercise in Marxist Economics. Use everyone to your advantage.
How unfortunate that I never learned how to play that game very well...