Writing down less and less in the past few days. Feels like my brain is starting to rot from all the ps2 games that I've been playing. I really should stop myself soon, but if I do, I'd have to find a new means of wasting my time, seeing as how I'm not allowed to go out without any important stuff to do.
Actually, I feel like I've got a lot of stuff to write down, seeing as how this book is supposed to keep my thoughts. The problem is in the writing. By the time that I get an idea for me to write down, I usually am already in bed, a few minutes away from drifting to la-la land... or dreamland... or time-slip land, or something. Either that, or I'm still playing some game on the ps2 which eats up a lot more time than my sleep.
Plus, I've got this obsessive behavior of trying to write in a specific style to preserve a certain sense of "order" or "cohesion" in the articles (its probably my third OC behavior, next to my "collector", and "balance" mentality). I just realized that its a big mistake, seeing as how personally, I seem to suffer from MPD (multiple personality disorder). In other words, it would be perfectly natural if I write like a hateful bastard today, and write like a contemplative scholar tomorrow (or a calm individual on the day after)... I always tell people that my reaction to a specific situation would depend on the mood I am in -- now it seems like I'm trying to shape myself into a specific, predictable person.
This is the nice thing about the book -- I could just write almost anything down, and I would suddenly look at other articles and suddenly be surprised on some that I can't believe I personally wrote down. Right now, it looks like a journal that would much better be submitted to a psychologist (or psycho-analyst, I can't remember the difference) in order to find the problem in me. However, the existence of this article proves that I am still sane -- that I could still be a decent person to talk to, and not a slavering beast controlled only by his instincts.
As a writer, I don't seem to have any other tricks other than to write about things that I know. People say that its the right approach -- you can't write about things that you don't know anyway -- but I could definitely remember that as a child, I would always write all sorts of things that I have absolutely no idea of, and they would still come out to be interesting. I take it that this means I'm starting to be a bad liar, or that I'm losing a lot on my imaginativeness. I always thought that it would be better to be completely honest, now I realize that I miss lying...
Speaking of honesty and lying, it turns out that my mother seems to have another affair outside of my uncle. I don't know if its just a hunch though, since I've never even met the guy (and he seems to be the one that is interested, and not my mom) and I don't even know what's his relation to my mom. Nevertheless, I'm almost about to agree with my sister's suggestion of tormenting her and my uncle. I've even managed to imagine a few scenarios that might happen if my plan comes to fruition (hehe, froo-ee-shun, interesting funny word). I just don't know if they can take a hint though (in management terms, an activity wherein you know everything but the result is called a "risk").
Risky, yes. Whatever interesting isn't a risk anyway? And if it no longer is a risk, is it still interesting? Or fun? Probably yes, probably not. Probably depends on the situation. See, there's a lot of thought matter that would just love to come out on the page, they're all just being restricted for some time. When I get even more free time, this book would be filled again!
Haha!! Fill!
Going back to affairs, it seems like my father also has other affairs -- seeing as how he's also receiving all sorts of strange messages in his mobile phone. Strange would probably be the wrong word, as it isn't the least bit strange to him. I would probably figure out the truth once my mobile phone returns to me in the near future -- in much the same way that I discovered my mom recently. When that happens, I just wouldn't know what to do with my family -- would I still trust them, or would I simply live with untrustworthy people?
Maybe that's the reason that I don't exude an aura of trustworthiness. I've been raised in the company of hypocrites! My mother and father always tell me to mean what I say, and to tell the truth when talking to them, yet they hide all forms of lies behind them. I feel like a spider invading into another spider's web, knowing every nook and cranny there is to know in this new web, yet not revealing my own. Sooner or later, I would probably eat the old spider in order to have this web for myself... But I don't think that is possible -- what would I get if I eliminate my parents from my life other than assurance that they would no longer betray my trust in them?
No, I guess playing along with their game would be the best solution in this case. So long as I obtain some benefits from them, perhaps it would be best if I try to get along with them.
Of course, I can also say that "a child can do nothing but obey the parents"... A ton of nonsense, I would argue, but then again, children still owe their parents for their lives.
One of these days, I would probably write something that is more coherent. In the meantime, I would be contented that there is a new article on the book...
I just remembered that Aleister Crowley once called the Bible as "The Book of Lies and Half-Truths"... perhaps one of these days, I would rename my book as the Bible. Just to piss off religious people. I love it when zealots try to do everything they can to make a non-believer eat his words, when they do nothing to make the world a better place anyway... But then, renaming my book would probably just get all sorts of unwanted attention...
