Who am I anyway that people would listen to what I say? If people want to smoke, well they can do so all they want... I refuse to waste my time asking them to stop... There's no point, because no one would heed me anyways... If someone wants to burn her lungs out smoking three or four cigarettes in succession, its no longer my concern... If people with lung problems want to complicate their health, again, its none of my concern.

Right now, all I want are friends. That's right... I thought I found such people when I came into college. But after four years, I find that I'm mistaken. I never had a lot of friends, and it looks like I would leave college with only a select few being added to the list of people that I call friends.

Okay, to be fair, sure I call Yuso, Terence, and Adnan friends... And oftentimes, I take them for granted. But that's not my point, I'm do recognize them as my friends, but they aren't the people that I'm looking for... The people that I want to be friends with, are those people that I get disappointed with: Jamie, Lassie, and Pai. As well as Grace, Sweet, and even Dulce. Unfortunately, it looks like I just don't have any luck when it comes to friends... Maybe I ask too much, and obviously, not everything can go my way...

All right... I'm a little calmer now than I was when I started writing... Why am I so pissed off? Well...

I was supposed to have lunch with Pai today, because there was something that she wanted to say to me regarding a "misinterpretation" of an SMS she sent me during registration. I agreed, reluctantly, deciding that it was still better if I give her face, rather than stand her up on her offer and humiliate her (I'm totally disappointed in how she treats me as her "moo")... However, since she was the one who invited me, I let her decide where she wanted to have lunch and whether I would prefer to have other company. If she wanted to settle something privately, would having company be practical? But still I let her decide without telling her anything about my preferences. Eventually, I get stuck at Shakey's with Hubert and Nich, since apparently, she decided to tag along with the two. This wasn't a problem at all...

However, minutes after I get there, and even halfway into my lunch, she didn't even bother to say anything about what she wanted to talk to me about. I made a promise to myself that if she says nothing today, then I wouldn't say a thing at lunch either... And so the lunch went with nary a word about what she wanted to say to me coming out of her mouth. I close to felt that the lunch "meeting" or whatever that was I got invited to was a total waste of time, so I tried to enjoy myself with Hubert and Nich. Luckily it worked.

As we walked back to school, still nothing came from her. She didn't ask to talk to me privately, she didn't ask for anything at all. She was just laughing at how I made myself look like a fool. When we reached my class, they were surprised to see me leaving them behind. Of course I did that on purpose, to see what Pai's reaction would be... Nothing. When I got into my class, I sent her an SMS asking if there were anything that she wanted to talk to me about... No response.

It wasn't until I got out of class, an hour and a half after I left her did she tell me that she was still shy to ask me about certain things... Hello??? If she were shy, then what was the point of asking me so formally to have lunch and discuss about her problems?

Moments after that, I got pissed off.

To the side of the building driveway, was Jamie, smoking her half-finished Gudang from earlier on. Lana came around seconds later, to light up his own stick too. My blood started to boil, not only from the god-awful smell of the cigarette, but also from the fact that Jamie no longer knows how to stop smoking. I would've wanted to stop her, but then again, the last time I tried to do that, my efforts were all in vain. And when I saw Pai start fiddling around with Nich's pack of cigarettes, I blew my top. The people thought that I got pissed for being called Stitchking. They were wrong.

I lost my cool because not only was Jamie smoking, but Pai too. And in my presence to boot! If she were deliberately trying to piss me off, then congratulations to her because she succeeded. If she wants to make her lung condition worse, then I don't think there's anything I can do to stop her. As of this day, I will let smokers be, and hope they all die early for ignoring how other people are concerned for their health. Perhaps one of these days, I'd buy Jamie and Pai a pack each of cigarettes as a gift, and hope they use it as quickly as possible.

If anyone is wondering why its been so long since I wrote about Pai, well the best summary for that was given to me by Jonald a year ago:

"There is no reflection without importance."

After I solve the mystery of both the prank texter and emailer, I'll leave her alone to her own devices.

I just remembered that I had a dream recently where I thought that Dulce was calling my name. She was calling me playfully, as though she's already forgiven me for whatever "sin" I had done to her. I woke up in quite a good mood after that, despite the fact that such a thing occuring is the epitome of a dream. Well, when I saw her the first time this week, whatever it was I believed after that dream, was quickly shattered. Just as I expected.

Its amazing how I'm still more creative with the articles in the book than in the journal. I guess, the idea that I could write down everything here is liberating, unlike the other where the idea is interesting, but the content is entrapping.

Ah... finally able to write in this book again...

Designing the look of the other book is a little painful to me... Especially since I'm not exactly an expert when it comes to programming language. Its sometimes frustrating to keep on tweaking bits and parts of the whole just to make it look better, but its necessary. Sometimes, I wonder why Blogger doesn't simply use the other templates found in the old blogger... The new template designs simply are too ugly...

Ach. Enough of that. With a bit more free time, I'm sure I could tweak the other book into a better version.

I've been racking my brains recently on who could possibly be the new prank emailer in the college mailing list... It would have to be someone that was awake in the early hours of the morning (or simply kept late hours), and has easy access to the internet... I'm very tempted to say "so what?" they can all go to hell... But the good guy in me simply doesn't like what's been happening... So I have to try my best to help find the identity of the prank emailer. I'm pretty sure that if I can find who this new guy is, it would also be easier to figure out who the prank texter is...