Thursday, July 24, 2003

col
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Ahh... There just isn't a lot of things to do...

Today is Jamie's birthday. Frankly, I'd really like to go to her party at Grace's place... But I don't think I'd like the company there. I'm pretty picky when it comes to my companions... There's some drinking involved though. Which is what's calling me over to her gig.

Actually, I'm having second thoughts if I want to go or not. We aren't really on very good terms these days. I've mentioned that before, somewhere in the book. And I don't exactly know why that happened. I guess it just did...

I'm glad that our phone line has been reconnected though. At least I can go back to playing online when I'm bored (which is usually the case at home, despite all the books that are waiting to be read). Hopefully, I'll get to do something productive soon.

Right now, I'm preparing to be able to go at a moment's notice.

There's still a lot of things that need to be said. Too bad I can't seem to find the time to do them...

Monday, July 21, 2003

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I knew I forgot something last week... Now I have an archive link that contains only one half-hearted article... What a waste of space.

And now, at the start of the week, I'm at it again, trying to write down thoughts that would otherwise consume me. Maybe I have to learn to think less... Less than I usually do, that is...

The trail of thought that was supposed to have followed the above paragraphs have been moved to the journal. I found that the content in them was better off told to the rest of the world, than to have been kept locked in here. It was a pretty long article too, surprisingly. Perhaps it was fallout from too much reading, not that I'd want to stop reading...

I'm actually glad that I'm going back to my first hobby. Before I even took up the controller of the Famicom back in 1988, before I even got hooked to pen-and-paper RPG's, as well as online CRPG's, I was a reader. A heavy reader in fact, that I read all the books at home that caught my attention (those that didn't, well, they stayed on their shelves, their pages rotting away), and that was before I hit 10 years of age.

Now, I feel like my brain is starting to atrophy. I'm no longer as young as I always think I am. My learning is now nowhere near as good as they were, years ago. I find my brain starting to become static and unchanging. As much as I'm trying to stop the process, I seem to be doing all the wrong choices to stop it. Perhaps I really should learn to accept more responsibility. The quick thinking required in performing work, might actually re-ignite the flames of learning in my brain...

So what have I done in the past week? Aside from reading, why absolutely nothing! I feel like I've wasted a week of my life, except that I didn't even feel the passage of time, engrossed as I was with my reading. Jamie, Lana, and Jason have started to move into an apartment near Dulce's... I could still remember how nervous she was when she first suggested the place to other people looking for a dorm (like Pai)... And now I think of how hypocritical she was because its quite obvious that she's glad with her new neighbors... Pfah! (I wonder if she's changed though, or if she just is a hypocrite) And today, I caught myself getting annoyed with Pai and Jamie smoking. I was about to go into a rage again, when I saw the box of cigarettes that was beside Pai... Again. It just seems that no matter what amount of convincing I do to myself, there is just no way in the world that I'll be able to accept the reality of my friends smoking. In my mind, it is and will always be a vile habit... I wonder when other people will realize my concerns. Perhaps when I'm dead?

I was expecting to experience something exciting near the end of the week. Unfortunately, no such thing happened. And despte having an opportunity to meet with Candy last Saturday, I didn't capitalize on it. Candy arrived back at their home later than I left (and chances are, went right to sleep... I didn't even get her number from her brothers).

Yesterday, I entertained the son of the owner of Herc's in Ortigas with stories of the tribes of Werewolves from White Wolf. As usual, the poor guy was confused, with the amount of information that was already published about them. I think I should've slowed down with the information that I gave him. The same thing happened to him when he tried to ask "what was happening to 'Legend of the Five Rings' now". As interested as I believe he was to the storyline, he had a hard time keeping up with the events that have happened.

Just like the confusion I'm experiencing right now...

I haven't been able to sleep properly last night -- probably due to the amount of Mountain Dew that I imbibed during dinner -- I've been thinking about certain things (again with the thinking, I think too much, and act too slow). It never occurred to me that people might actually lie to me. I always thought that when people were to talk to me, they would never have the audacity to lie to me.

Perhaps I could be wrong, similarly in many ways.

My mother doesn't lie to me about her relation with my hateful uncle. At least, its not an outright lie, because I haven't asked her anything about it. Its more like a careful manipulation of the truth. Hiding it so that it wouldn't cause too much attention.

What I learned recently is different, and definitely disturbing even to me, if true.

There is something that is troubling me. It took me sometime to remember this: how could Pai's mom have known the address of this book? There are only two people who know of the actual address of this book -- Pai and Adnan. I'm not pretty sure if Pai even knew the address before her mother told her, which means that only Adnan knew the address to this book. And since there is no way that this book could be found by online search engines...

Who gave the address of this book to Pai's mom?

So far, I can't accept the truth that is being thrust to my face. The answer is too convenient, too simple, too stupid! Could it be possible that Stitchking and Prankie really aren't the same person? If so, then why in the world did Stitchking suddenly back out from the opposition that he faced when Sweet and Jamie sent their response to him? If he really was helping as he claimed, why didn't he go through with his help? What was he afraid of?

And why frame Adnan? Why not me, or Hubert?

Wheels within wheels within wheels.

How frustrating. To further add to the mystery, how could he possibly know so much about what troubles we were experiencing? Who is his source of information? He says that it is Prankie himself... But that would make no sense -- as I said, if he was really intent on helping, then why did he suddenly back out?

Perhaps there was more to his message then I actually thought? Than I initially interpreted?

Now I regret not having contacted the man earlier.

Ah, Pride would certainly be my fall someday. If not anger...

I prayed to God last night before I went to sleep (despite my agnostic tendencies) for the solution to this problem. I'm hoping that what I'm thining right now isn't the solution that I asked for...

And just in case that it is -- Would I be able to act accordingly?

I feel even more despair with this article than the other "woe is me" articles that I've written before...