... Finally found out this afternoon what's been bothering Pai. Thanks to a letter coming from her mom. She informed the entire batch of Pai's family problems, and implied that the troublemaker is actually one of her friends. Come to think of it, she actually thought that I was the person causing all these problems to occur. Unfortunately, while it might actually be interesting to do something like that, I don't believe that I am heartless enough to cause such damage to Pai.

Which brings me to my thoughts on possible suspects who would do so. In thinking about suspects, one must remember two things: relation to evidence, and motive. Guessing the motive is actually more important, since knowing so immediately implicates the suspect. Unfortunately, knowing the motive is also the hardest part. With that said, I am going to enumerate my ideas on the suspects.

Adnan, Lassie, and Hubert.

There may be others, however, all the evidence points to these three as the most likely to do such an act. Why you say?

Simple. Consider Adnan. The evidence points to a person that knows intimate details about Pai -- and what is, or was, Adnan's relation to Pai? Second, evidence points to a person who has a reason to send threats to Nonoy -- again, the same question above could be asked. However, it is not as simple as that... Because there is also something else in the equation: he is included as a pawn in a message that was sent to Nonoy -- and as far as I know, Adnan would not make any effort to include himself in such risky behavior (this is considering the possibility that he is not lying). Therefore, while the motive may coincide, not all of the evidence follows.

Next, consider Lassie. She has already tried stalking someone before, using a fake identity -- Danielle de la Pena. And the enjoyment she acquired for engaging in such behavior might actually elicit a second attempt, this time concentrated again on an interesting person -- Nonoy, whom she was known to have flirted with, a bit (although Lassie flirting with someone isn't really new). Motives to give Pai such a terrible problem is not really important to her -- as long as she gets what she wants, that is enough. However, most of the information necessary to trouble Pai would have to come from Hubert or Pai herself, as almost nobody talks to her anymore in the group. And I don't believe that Pai has given her enough important information (unless Pai was really, really desperate for a companion). So again, this suspect might not actually be the real suspect... as there is a conflict in the evidence.

Finally, there is Hubert. Information to trouble Pai would come easily to him -- Pai confides in him in all things, probably except how to dress up and go to the bathroom. The problem in him, however, is the motive -- why would he do something to Nonoy, Pai, or her family? Did something happen in the past few months that would have soured their relationship for Hubert to do something as drastic as this? If so, then why are they still so close? Is it to create an illusion of trust in him? This time, the problem is in the motive, and not the evidence.

Actually, there really might be others, but the evidence all point to these three as the most likely suspects. I would have included myself, however, I myself know that I wouldn't do something so despicable to my friends. If I would like to fight, there is no reason to include the other person's loved ones... For the meantime, however, I will still wait for Pai to tell me something. She already knows who it is... and it is only a matter of time before something really happens.

And when it does, and I still could not figure out who it is, then I have no business to call myself her friend. Because I would have failed my best friend again...

As a side note, the notice that I gave to my classmates about my stolen phone actually elicited a few responses. One of them coming from Dulce. As I opened it, however, it turns out that it was only her way of greeting Kristene on her birthday. And here I thought that she actually cared for me...

Blast it all!!!!

Woke up to a perfectly good morning, anticipating a good day ahead of me due to the lack of school activity. Finished things up rather quickly too, despite the fact that I still watched TV before I took a bath... and what do I get for my troubles????

A stolen mobile phone, that's what!!!

I should have just left my phone when I felt that something strange would happen to it today. For some strange reason, all the jeeps that were passing by were full, and the only way that a person could board it was to squeeze himself into the small spaces between other people, which the driver would insist were capable of holding two more... Since I was already rather late, I decided to take the next jeep, regardless of its capacity (it was the fourth vehicle that passed, and could still hold about 4 more), and for some strange reason, the person that I decided to sit beside, fidgeted in his seat, forcing me to take up less space.

The next thing I know, there was this stranger who tried to chat me up, asking me stupid questions about the MRT that was non-operational. I tried to answer as best as I could, keeping polite even though I was already wondering why he'd be asking me such an obvious question (and why he kept repeating his question despite the fact thay my voice was loud enough to be heard). A few minutes later, the person who was taking up a lot of space beside me stood up, and motioned for the man who was talking to me to leave. The stranger refused to get off, letting the first guy get off alone (or perhaps with a companion). The conductor of the jeep passed the change of the first guy back, knowing that he paid much more than he should, but he already got off, and no one bothered to catch him to give the change.

That's when I felt that my pocket was lighter than it should be. When I tried feeling my phone through the pocket, I realized that it was no longer there, and either fell off onto the seat, or taken by the man who got off earlier (the one who was taking up a lot of space beside me). It wasn't on the seat when I tried to look for it. Neither could I remember it falling off my lap. And my pocket distinctly felt lighter at the exact time when the guy fidgeted in his seat. When I realized my folly, it was already too late, as the guy was already off the jeep for a few minutes, and I couldn't possibly catch up to him. His collaborator, the guy who was chatting me up, got off the jeep a few seconds later than he did, probably assessing the situation if I would realize what happened or not. The idiot that I am, put things together too slowly, and as a result, lost my phone.

I tried keeping myself sane by telling myself that the phone was old anyway, that it needed to be replaced, but obviously, its denial on my part, plain and simple. For being stupid enough to be fooled by strangers. Had I realized things earlier, perhaps this unfortunate accident may have not happened. Now I lost my phone which held 7 important messages from other people. I lost my phone which kept ringing tones that I composed. I lost my phone which had all the pictures that I needed. I lost the phone which had all the numbers I needed. But most of all, I lost the phone that served me well for over three years.

Shame on me for being so naive and stupid.

Couldn't do anything worthwhile for the entire night, just waiting for Pai's mom to talk to me. It turned out that indeed, she was worrying why I am no longer talking to Pai. I'm not crazy enough to tell her impossible tales, so I told her the truth. That I don't refuse to talk to people, unless they stop coming to look for me. It turns out that Pai actually had a lot of problems at home, and the fact that I called her "harassed" hit her in a sore spot, and she confided to her mom about my recent behavior. Not that I'm really bothered by it anyway, because she's always been closer to her mom than she has been to me. Besides, there's no point in dwelling over it anymore, her mom already knows the reason why I'm staying away. Its up to her if she'll tell her daughter what she did to me or not. I'm trying my best to mend things up with her, but so far, it looks like things are falling down on my side of the fence.

Got a new message from Dulce this afternoon too. It turns out that she was offended by my greeting her mom on Mother's Day. She says that if all I'm going to do is to annoy her, then it would probably be better if I didn't try to patch things up. Let me not even dream of her talking to me anymore, because she really has no plans of talking to me. And I should mind my own business.

I didn't really understand what she meant with all of those, I'm just assuming that the first sentence pertains to the greeting. The second statement, I no longer bother about. The third actually came when she was told that I said something about her and Terence having a fight again earlier today. I don't recall saying that this morning, or probably, not to the people that she was talking to. As usual, she overreacted again, hence, the message that she gave me. I'm starting to get tired of her attitude. It makes me want to ask what is the difference between her and Lassie if she will always be such a prick about simple things. Perhaps if I get pissed off at her one of these days, I'd give her a piece of my mind. Its one thing really to make a mess with me if I did something wrong. Its another thing if I didn't do anything and a person still wants to mess with me...

I mean, here is this person that I've considered a friend for the past two years, and just because of a small piece of Chinese cake... everything was just wasted. I could probably handle that. We could still patch things up probably. But has she ever considered if what she's doing is wrong? That she's overreacting to everything a little too much, just like a person that she doesn't like? So what if I did tell people that they had an argument this morning? Isn't it the truth? Does anyone really think that's new? I haven't seen a week where she and Terence didn't fight at all. Plus, its not my place to say this, but she's keeping Terence on a very tight leash. She's not allowing Terence to go out with the boys... While this may be well and good, since Terence suddenly became a top student in school, hasn't she noticed that Terence no longer has a life outside of pleasing her? Hasn't she noticed that she's acting more and more spoiled? I mean, think about it... if Terence just doesn't do a thing that Dulce is suggesting, she gets really mad, and doesn't talk to him unti he says sorry and does what Dulce wants... Sure, its good, but if it happens everytime? Even if Dulce isn't even suggesting the right thing? And if she doesn't want me to mind other people's business, shouldn't she say that to herself? Sure I gossip a lot, sure I tell a lot of stories, but heck, so does everyone, including her! And does she mind? Hell, no! Its an issue that I told people that they had an argument because it came from ME! You mean to say that I can't tell her to mind her own business when they're talking about Lassie or Yuso or Hubert? I can't tell other people to mind their own business when they're talking about what's happening to me? She really should look at herself in the mirror before she says something. I'm just trying my best not to say anything and ignore her completely, but she's the one who does all these silly things that people would talk about...

I'm going nuts trying to figure out why Pai's mom would want to talk to me... As far as I know, I haven't done a single thing to Pai. I don't know what we're going to talk about tomorrow, and guessing game is tearing my head off my shoulders. So instead of doing an overdue assignment for tomorrow, the anxiousness I'm experiencing right now is preventing me from doing anything productive. So all I can do right now, is try to relieve my nervousness, until I can manage to calm down and do something properly.

Is she going to talk to me about how I'm not talking to Pai? If she is, I wonder what I would tell her -- that it was her daughter who didn't talk to me first, and even though I didn't really like it, I had no choice but not talk to her, because I'm not getting any thing in return? Or would I simply say that I dont really meet her that much for me to talk to her as I did before, and that the phone at home is always being used by someone else.

Or is she going to speak to me about something else? Because as far as I can remember, I haven't argued with Pai about anything. Is it going to be about my performance in her class? But that wouldn't have anything to do with my relationship with Pai. Is she going to tell me that she knows my problems? I doubt it. I've never told anyone about my problems, and besides, while I do write down my problems in this book, no one even bothers to pass by and read this book So what could it possibly be? I've consulted with Adnan about it, and the best advice he could give me was to send an SMS to Pai's mom telling her that I couldn't do anything productive because of the pressure that she's giving me regarding tomorrow's conversation. It looks pretty serious too, as she doesn't want Pai to figure out that she's talked to me... Argh... the thinking is driving me nuts.

I'm having problems with my vision again. It could be because I'm looking at a white computer screen all day while typing away endlessly. It could be because the exposure that my eyes receive while watching TV is uneven, with the right receiving more input than the left. It could be because my hair is in the way, blocking some of my vision, forcing my eyes to overcompensate. It really isn't too much of a bother really, just annoying that I feel like I have to strain my eyes, even though I'm just working on some minor assignment...

Recently, I'm finding myself uncontrollably attracted to Lassie again. Indeed, such an event just says trouble for me. And I've been trying to avoid her as much as I could. But, perhaps it is my habit to accompany the person who is alone. If I see a person alone, and I'm on good terms with him, then I do my best to accompany him and cheer him up. Why I'm doing this to Lassie makes me wonder though, because we really aren't on the best of terms, and there is just no decent reason for me to do that.. Because if I do, I'm just bringing trouble to my own head.

Adnan was asking me who my newest prospect is... As I was running through them in my mind, I realized that I couldn't tell him. Because, in truth, I don't have anyone who I really see as a serious prospect. Other than Candy, probably, because I haven't told him about Candy yet (much less, done anything to advance the relationship between the two of us). I can't tell him that its Jamie, because I myself am not sure if she really is a "serious" prospect. I've felt this way for Jamie before, when her relationship with Elbert was just beginning, and during those times when they had problems (just like how I felt for Pai, when she had problems with Adnan and Wigs), in other words, I might just be reliving my experiences with her whenever I'm with her -- I probably only think I like her, and not really love her (which means that I have to be careful around her, I wouldn't want to be fooled by my heart). I can't say that my prospect is Lassie, because frankly, I'm doing my best right now to avoid her, so that I wouldn't have to fall for her again, and get hurt in the end because she doesn't feel the same way about me.

... This book is starting to look less and less a "book of lies and half-truths", and is starting to look more and more like "the miscellaneous whinings of frost", and "frost and friends". I have to learn to put more new content in the pages of this book. Otherwise, it'll just look like a pretty diary.

I was wondering why I didn't put in reviews about movies I watched, or books I read in here. Probably because I think reviews are a waste of time, and doing commentary on them for every part that I've seen would only annoy me more, because my feelings would probably jump around uncontrollably and do nothing in the end. I was supposed to write down how I hate AXN's dubbing of Rurouni Kenshin, because its so different from the original things that the series is trying to say. Unfortunately for me, when I tried to listen to the original words, I was frustrated because I didn't understand enough Japanese to know what the voice actors were saying. I had nothing else to do but either disregard the subtitles at the bottom, or read them (at least the english subtitles had a story to them, just not accurate enough).


Switzerland -
A neutral power for as long as most can remember,
it has avoided war for several centuries.
However, it is still considered highly advanced
and a global power.


Positives:

Judicial.

Neutrality.

World-Renouned.

Powerful without Force.

Makes Excellent Watches, Etc.


Negatives:

Target of Ridicule.

Constant Struggle to Avoid Conflict.

Target of Criminal Bank Accounts.



Which Country of the World are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Apparently, spending too much time writing stuff for this book is hurting my relationship with people. It turns out that I'm using the book to relieve myself of pressure, venting out my frustrations onto something that would probably not give me any feedback and therefore giving me the illusion that I'm always right and should not bother about other people's feelings. Realized that this morning when I got fortunate enough to be invited by Sweet and co. to have lunch with them. I didn't know why, but I just suddenly thought that I should send someone an SMS, but when I took out my mobile phone, I realized that I have nobody to talk to. And that the last person that I had a meaningful conversation with (or something that felt like it) was actually me -- when I put down all my disappointments into this book.

So, I'm going to try to lessen the amount of things that goes into this book. At least, if it has anything to do with frustrations with other people, then I am going to try to stop myself from putting it down here. Perhaps that would push me back to talking with other people, instead of talking to myself whenever I have problems. I mean, I prefer keeping my problems to myself, but sometimes, keeping silent really is the worst thing to do as it might it away at the heart. And I really wouldn't like it if my heart were to suddenly develop problems. Worst case scenario: I'd finish college as a jerk -- without regard to anyone else as long as I get what I want...

I just suddenly realized that Candy whines a lot... Maybe I should rephrase that. She DOES whine a lot, but for some strange reason, her whinings remind me of Lassie. Its proabably due to the amount of false crying that Lassie does. Candy has this annoying habit of sounding like she's crying for no particular reason whenever she's whining, similar to Lassie when she's looking for attention.

Ok, going back to the earlier topic... I should really try to restrain myself from escaping too deep into myself. Whenever I feel something wrong, the first thing that I turn to is this book. In my case, it seems that writing every negative thing into this book is actually regressive for my development, because it represses my need to express myself and assosciate with other people. Meaning, I'm keeping myself stagnant. I'm stuck with the thought that only I am correct, and that everyone else is wrong... which shouldn't be the case because I am not really ALWAYS right.

In other words, its time to stop thinking negatively. And time to think positively. Look around the world in the way that I really do, and not the way that the world wants me to.

I feel like a young school kid, too obsessed with a single celebrity that I can't do anything worthwhile. I guess this is how other students feel when they start feeling something funny for movie stars or TV actors. I'm watching the chinese movie channel on cable right now, just to see if I'll get to see another of her movies tonight. I almost lost the entire day trying to rush a paper while at the same time looking for information on Sammi Cheng. Unfortunately, being a real live person, she has her privacy to take care of. About the only things that could be known about her are public information. I know her name (if that is her real name), I know her nationality, her birthplace, her religion, her favorite car, her favorite car... but I know nothing about her real personality. I do not know if she has a significant other. I don't know how many guys she's dated before, I don't know what she's looking for in a guy... I know things about her, but, I know nothing important about her.

I guess this is good for her too. At least no stalkers would bother her private life, and at least she can find a private life to go back to when she's feeling stressed...

Look at me. I'm really gushing like a lovesick puppy at a person that I don't even know, much less seen in person. How could it be said that I really like a person when its the mask I've seen and not the face? Heck, my metaphors are all going whack just thinking about her, and how she compares to other people that I know... I think I should stop this, because its so strange... liking someone that I haven't even met.

I'm really a sucker for a sob story. I can't help stopping for people I know who are crying. Lassie came up to me to ask if there were anything wrong with her because everyone seems to be leaving her behind, plus her parents are not getting along well. Well, the last part was probably true, although I can't tell the severity. The others are probably exaggerations on what she's currently experiencing. I finally figured out the reason why she's not asking Hubert about homeworks... I should have figured that out earlier, its so obvious. As usual, she's hurt Hubert's feelings probably without even trying, or even thinking. And I don't know if its just me, but it looks like she just did her usual plea just to look for attention.

But I'm a bigger idiot for falling for her usual sob story. I should have just left when I had the chance because I just knew that listening to her would give me bigger problems because I have to try solving them for her. She even had a pocket knife ready for her entire act, trying to cut herself open so that she would bleed to death, and being the gullible fool that I am, I tried to stop her from doing anything silly (actually, if I were smarter, I would have left so that she wouldn't even start anything silly).

Never mind, what's done is done. Which makes me think, whether or not I have a right to be selfish about getting attention myself. Or should I just accept the fact that nobody really takes me for anything but a strange braggart? Only time could answer this I guess... Better just to wait and see.

Candy really doesn't seem to care a bit for me. I think she's more preoccupied with looking for her perfect gay friend than loooking for a relationship. Watching Sammi's movie actually reminded me of her, actually its the kissing scenes. She just looks so cute when she kissed Tony Leung. What I'd do to get a kiss like that from a pretty girl... Going back to Candy, well, as I've said, she's more interested in looking for the gay friend that I'd probably stand in the way of her dreams, so in the meantime, I think I should just pay attention to other things.

On a side note, I don't know why but I feel like I'm jealous whenever Jamie and Adnan are together. And I don't know whether I should be jealous of Adnan, or if I should be jealous of Jamie. Its just so annoying.

Can't do anything properly at this point in time. Too attached to an HK movie star I watched last Saturday night that I've been searching the net for two days looking for information on her. She's actually pretty, but when she puts on a lot of make-up, she looks pretty weird.

Her name's Cheng Sau Man (Zheng Xiu Wen in Mandarin), and she's caught my eye (and heart) for the past few days. I just can't get over her cuteness on the screen, especially after watching her play several roles where she's always going for the guy she wants. Looking closely at some of her pictures, she sort of reminds me of Charlene. Probably due to her nose being that "sharp"... Did I ever mention that Charlene has a sharp nose? She may have a cute round face that seems to scream "I'm small!!!", but then, that nose just accentuates her features even more.

Damn. Now that I think about it, I think the reason why I'm so drawn to her is because her characters just scream "Lassie" in one way or another, plus her passing resemblance to Charlene probably messes up my thought processes too much that I sort of fuse all three of them together. Of course, it could also be simply because I like the personalities that she portrays on screen too much, plus Sammi's face is simply irresistible to me.

I'm probably sounding like a strange HK movie fanatic, the last time I've been this attached to a movie star was after I watched Shanghai Knights, where I looked for Fann Wong (who turned out to be Singaporean). And before that, there was Cecilia Cheung, who portrayed some lovely roles onscreen as well. And before even that, there was Joey Wong Choi Yin of "A Chinese Ghost Story 3", and Rosamund Kwan Chi Lam of the Once Upon a Time in China Series...

Of course, I don't just recall all these information from my head. I'm looking at this cool site on the net right now, keeping Sammi Cheng's picture in one window for luck and inspiration (because I don't know how to get the picture and put it in the book), while looking for all the other information. It's interesting really, just that I don't need all this information right now because there's something more important that I have to do which I forgot because I'm so attached to her. But I don't blame her. Its my fault for actually forgetting to look for information on semiconductor foundries over the weekend.

So while I'm writing down stuff for the book, I'm also worrying about finding information about semiconductor foundries, and looking for information regarding quantum dot lasers which I haven't even done yet.

Busy, busy day. And I have less than an hour left...

Ah, Zheng Xiu Wen.