Jamie's being pretty whiny (bitchy?) recently... I don't know if my noticing this is a direct observation of her actual behavior, or just a reaction of my aversion to her (I'm trying to be a nice guy today, so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt). Nevertheless, I can't stand being around her or her companions -- it just keeps irritating me endlessly. Er... Let me rephrase that.
I can't stand being around her presence or Lana's for that matter because there's something about the two of them that irritates me to no end. Is it because I feel like I'm constantly being used by this girl? A girl who wouldn't even bother to say my name if she didn't need someone to translate Chinese to some other language? Or is it because I feel like I was thrown to a side in exchange for other people that she could call her friends? I really don't know. All I know is I'm incredibly irritated at her for being... inhuman. For treating other people like objects.
I can't stand Lana for the grossly insensitive comments that come out of his mouth. I can't stand Lana because he just can't take a hint sometimes. I mean, glaring at him should already be enough of a sign for him to shut up, but I don't know if he's dense or doing things on purpose, he just doesn't know when to shut up sometimes. Additionally, he can just as quickly sweet talk someone into doing what he wants, even though what he wants to do isn't as important as what the person he bothered was doing. And when you try to sweet talk him into doing something when he's doing something important, he'll come out all "moral" and stuff and tell you that he's doing something important and you aren't. That offending tongue of his just screams to be cut out.
Anyway, Jamie's been asking for a pronounciation guide to a certain scene from Meteor Garden for a week now. I don't know what came over me, perhaps the spirit of Mr. Nice Guy, but I decided to give in to her request... Perhaps it was to shut her up from pestering other people about what she wants. Unfortunately, acquiescing to her request now would mean that she'd be more insistent later on, and would probably ask for more favors eventually. I don't think I can fully return to being Mr. Nice Guy yet... I hope I can hold out on helping people in need.
Maybe the reason why I'm so annoyed about Jamie is the fact that she set me aside in exchange for other people. I just feel irritated when Jason talks (because she talks to Jason more than she talks to me) to her and calls her his "bf" or "breakfast-mate". Don't ask me where the term came from. It just stuck, and they now call each other that way. You can just imagine the amount of confusion in other people's minds when they hear that "callsign"...
Really. I can't explain why I'm suddenly annoyed at the guy. He's never done anything wrong to me (at least none that I rememer holding a grudge for) but I can't shake the feeling that I'm heavily annoyed at him. Could it be because its so obvious that he likes Jamie and that Jamie is indulging him? Or is it because I can feel that he's slowly becoming part of the Elitists?
Whatever... I'm irritated at him, and I don't think the reason is important yet.
And then there's Cholo, who has a smart mouth. I mean, I'm annoyed at his snide comments about people and things. I just can't explain completely why I'm annoyed at him... Its just like saying why is a dog annoyed at a cat -- its illogical! I just dislike him with a passion.
I don't even know why I made this article about Jamie and her bitchiness (well I'm supposed to comment on the periodicity of her bitchiness, but I can't seem to find how to prove it). I was just irritated at how bitchy she was acting when she arrived this afternoon, and was acting like she was princess of all she surveyed, and that everyone should give in to her desires. I'm just irritated at how she's attracted to every single Chinese guy in the block, except for me and Terence and I can't explain why. Maybe that's the reason I'm irritated at her -- I'm bitter!
Well... It doesn't matter I suppose. I'm irritated at them and I won't talk to them for some time. Until I'm no longer irritated at them I suppose.
I just found out recently that I might be approaching "schizoidal" behavior. I mean, I think I'm about to be diagnosed as "schizoidal". Do take note that I'm not in any way "schizophrenic" -- there is a difference. Schizoidal is different from schizophrenic in the same way that a spider is not an insect. They're both mental illnesses, but definitely different from each other.
What does it mean if I'm schizoidal? It means that there are a lot of thoughts in my mind that could actually be delusions and not actual facts. In other words, I'm just imagining that Candy likes me. I'm just imagining that I have psychic powers. I'm just imagining that I'm God's special child. I'm just imagining that I'm THAT damn good...
In other words, there are a lot of things that boost my self-esteem that are actually just figments of my imagination. I can imagine how my self-esteem must be fidgeting around in my head... wondering if it's really capable of handling everything around it or if it should just roll over and wait for death or insanity to claim it.
And here I thought I had a good amount of self-control to be able to rein in my temper. It turns out that I'm actually mentally-imbalanced...
Just like I can't figure out if Lassie considers me a friend, a brother, or just another object to use. I guess knowing that I'm just a delusional individual just suddenly shattered my ability to figure out how a person thinks once I encounter him.
I can't even predict if a person is favorably predisposed towards me or not. And at a time when my social skills are quickly deteriorating... I think I'm screwed.
On the other hand, I think I'm pretty happy with myself. Too bad the happiness that I'm feeling with myself is just a poor... alternative to how I used to feel when I still had a lot of people I could call "friends".
I guess this is how the other people from high school felt when the class was divided into two. Then again, they could've felt the way I did at the time...
... I was delighted. At least I didn't need to associate with hypocrites anymore.
Too bad I've become one myself...
