I've been thinking why Asia has never had a lot of alien visitors compared to other continents. I mean, if you look at the myths of other continents (Africa, South America, and Europe for example), they're full of references to beings who came down from the sky in bright light, or something like that... Plus, they've got cool souvenirs of aliens coming down to live with them. Egypt for example, has the pyramids and the sphinx which people believe to have been built by aliens. South America with their Mayan, Aztec, and Incan civilizations have those stone pyramids which I can't figure out how they built . And Europe has all these funky stone arcs that even Europeans have no idea how they got there. See?

And Asia... what does Asia have to prove that aliens came visiting? Why nothing at all! Asians don't have any myths that can even slightly be called alien in origin. They have no monuments that can be said to be made with the help of aliens. Nothing at all!!! (Crop circles don't count, that is a freak accident made by beings who have too much time in their hands...)

It makes me wonder though... are Asians too smart that they don't need alien technology to help them in their endeavors? Is Asia a hostile place for aliens to visit? Or could Asians be too dumb for aliens to spend time with? I can't figure that out...

Maybe their afraid of what Asians would do to them if they arrived... Asians are known to be quite... interesting in their eating habits... hmmm... exotic food...

This should be the fifth day that I have no net access... And to tell the truth, I couldn't have a worse time to lose it than this week I guess. Plenty of interesting things happened this week, starting from Sunday.

To start things off, I couldn't sleep the entire Saturday night after eating pizza and pasta at Herc's. Maybe it was because my stomach was too full so my body reacted by waking me up and trying to get some water in, or dropping the food down the drain. Anyway, I feel like I spent the night drinking water and going to the toilet. It felt like my stomach just couldn't handle all of the food that night, and it just stopped digesting. I could still feel the pasta the next day trying to decide if it wants to stay in my stomach or just go out my mouth. All sorts of thoughts passed through my head that night, I could probably fill in several days worth of writings in this book about my past, but maybe some other time...

Got to meet Joana Abrera at the Podium last Sunday night -- one of the most beautiful girls I've met and known, in appearance and personality. I had the feeling that I was going to meet someone that day... I just didn't expect it to be her, of all people. She's put on a little weight in the 5 years that I didn't get to see her, but its just a little, and it suits her more. As I expected, she couldn't place a name on my face, hehehe. She could definitely remember that we've met before, and that there was something different on me, but couldn't remember where and what. I just smiled at her and called her name as I passed beside her... if only she didn't have her parents beside her, I might have chatted with her a bit, probably catch up to old times, see how she's doing now, etc. But then, we'll eventually meet again...

Finally managed to get a copy of Super Robot Wars Alpha II for the PS2, at least even though I've had no net access for the past few days, I have a new game to help me alleviate my boredom here at home. Even though its my favorite game, I feel like there's something missing in it and can't bring myself to fully love the game in this incarnation... maybe I need a bit more time to be certain of my feelings, hahaha.

Lost my internet access on Monday. Damn. Now I feel pretty cut off from the world... Its a good thing that I can still receive important email at home, unfortunately, my other account should be nearly bursting by now...

By next year, I should have my second nephew/niece courtesy of my other brother -- the one who's married (my doctor brother has a son who by now should be close to 3 years old, but he's in the States with his mom) that news doesn't really excite me since I'm not too fond of children, I just put it in here as a frame of reference -- to recall what happened on Tuesday, before my dad left for a few days vacation to Baguio.

Come Wednesday, I was relegated to house duty -- to stay at home and take care of whatever happens in it because everyone would be going out for something important, including the househelp. Not a problem really, seeing as how Charlene sent me a new number to contact her with -- a totally unexpected turn of events because I always thought that she's in Taiwan for the past few years and probably staying there for good. I found out quickly that she's been here for the past two years and just recently had a son. A church wedding is soon to follow in June.

We caught up on a lot of old stuff -- things that happened to her after she went to Taiwan, how there were bastards who fooled around with her, took money from her, and some other sappy stuff that in hindsight look more like annoying events instead of sorrowful events. That's her personality really, she recalls the past but looks at them as events that already happened and have no more hold on her. And looking at Lassie, I seem to understand why I like Lassie a lot -- because she reminds me a lot of Charlene, with a hefty dose of playfulness mixed in for good measure.

She's now working for the family firm, and staying at home taking care of the child, boring herself with an unending routine of work-work-work-work-work... I'm just glad that she loves her husband and that she doesn't think that she made a wrong choice in him. I'm glad for her as well, because coming from her stories about her husband, he seems to be a good catch.

Got my grades yesterday, and thankfully I managed to get into the QPI requirement -- with 0.01 points to spare! Actually, I only needed one grade to go higher than I expected it to be, and I would already pass. One of my professors decided to round up the grades of those people just on the borderline -- resulting in my raised grade. All that remains now is to retake that stupid subject that I flunked last semester -- the most useless subject that I have to take in college -- Theology.

I planned to go out with friends yesterday, to go to the mall and probably watch a movie or something. I've been asking them all week for any ideas and they kept saying to decide when Friday comes in. Unfortunately, they all wanted to go home after getting their grades, plus there were no decent movies to watch, levaing me to watch with Pai, Hubert, and probably Adnan and Lassie. I lost interest the moment that those people who I asked all throughout the week said that they wanted to go home, so instead of going to watch a movie, I decided to go home early and pass by Charlene's place earlier.

But not before Pai disappeared for a while after seeing Adnan come in. I can't understand why she refuses to see Adnan yet insists on buying things for him and not giving them herself to him. Its so annoying really, and that put me on my nerves which added to my disinterest in watching a movie. Anyway, I thought that I shouldn't really interfere in their affairs anymore and decided to leave.

Charlene's place reminds me so much of our place in Alonzo before we moved to Sta. Mesa. The set-up was nearly the same, and the rooms were almost like those we had in our condo unit. The only bad thing about their place was the lack of windows -- the place wasn't really too bright (not that its important) and it didn't have the wind whipping inside. Charlene was only using about one or two rooms and it seems that she didn't have any time to tidy up the place yesterday. Hehe, she's one busy woman alright...

She was staying in their room taking care of her baby and work while watching TV. Somehow, it seemed that she liked the idea of people coming in to see her every now and then so she won't get bored being all alone in the house. We caught up with more old things throughout my stay, and managed to get one of her pictures for myself. Somehow, when I saw her smoking a cigarette, I just couldn't bear to make myself argue with her over it -- despite the fact that I know she's a mother and that smoking is dangerous to her child... I can't even remember trying to stop her from it, probably because it seemed like she needed it. I knew she was a heavy smoker, she told me that much the last time I met her, thankfully, she's managed to cut down on her smoking.

At night, my cousin and I went night swimming. Actually, I went there for three things -- swimming, drinking, and Candy. I shouldn't have listened to Candy looking to know what it feels like to get drunk, because in the end, I ended up taking care of a "tipsy" person instead of swimming. It appears that those people just couldn't hold alcohol much, and just a bit of drinking could mess up their brain functions. It was still an enjoyable night, as I spent quite a bit of time with Candy... I just didn't get to swim a lot.

"You taste like sausages" -- Candy

Silly Blogger is acting up again... I can't access some people's blogs, and my pictures in this book are starting to get all screwy... Well, screw you too, Blogger!!!


Psycho. You are overwhelmed by anger. You may even
hate the world and everything in it and you
believe revenge is the way of the world. An eye
for an eye.


How Emotional Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


But even if Blogger is acting up, I could still pass by other people's blogs... ah, the wonders of links to other people's blogs... at least I could fill my book with tons and tons of pretty pictures -- so what if they're all fluff? As if this book was meant to be read by other people??? If I make a public book, then probably I'll cut down on the pictures and focus on thinking, but this isn't a public book!! Its supposed to be a book where only a select number of people can read it... Therefore, I could put in any number of pictures that I could possibly want in it!!! Hahahaha!!!! (Of course, I'm doing this to spite Charles... I just felt it funny to spite his comment, I respect it, true, but then, when your mind runs out of things to contemplate, or is too busy to contemplate properly, the book will simply be filled with pretty pictures...)


Neutral:
Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.


What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla


And since I have nothing better to do today (today's dream is just basically a hospital scene where someone thinks that I'm the resident hospital equipment genius even though I'm a patient myself), I just thought it appropriate to recognize the fact that all the online quizzes that I've been taking can only describe a facet of my entire personality... I mean, judging from the other results of some quizzes, I'm just as likely to obtain another result as the one I had... it all depends on the mood that I was in when I took the exam... Take for example the results from above -- the last time I took the quiz, I was a logical person instead of a neutral person. And as far as I recall, I only changed one or two answers from my previous romp through it... Ah, life.

Found a link to a blog that looks real similar to this book -- in fact, it seems to have the same problems I'm experiencing with my own book! And it's filled with pictures too! Hahaha... There's a chance that I could meet the owner of that blog if I go to meet other people with Charles and Elbert, but then again, I'm not sure that I would really like to meet her... She's pretty much depressed right now, and from past experiences, it would seem that associating myself with depressed people would only complicate matters for myself...

And then there's another link whose owner I'm envious of because he can write nice stories, while I struggle with the proper words (I don't like to plan what I want to write down, it pisses me off and stops my writing) he's had a number of nice stories that I've read, and his grasp of the language is (I guess) far, far better than mine (I guess wooing Jamie with some form of wordplay is out of the question, as her grasp of English and Filipino is much, much better than mine... not to mention that I'm not very fond of wordplay, unlike Lassie and Pai...) However, I'm sure that one of these days, I would be able to write down my own story -- something that I'd be proud to call mine.

I can see that today, I will be happy with the number of online quizzes that I can answer... thanks to a certain person's links to other people... (although if I hadn't accidentally clicked that link...)



Sometimes, tranlations are simply too cheesy... damn, never thought that Kurama had such a goody-two-shoe side to him...



Eclipse: You try so hard to steal the sun and keep
it for yourself. Become the only object of
affection.


Which Moon Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


The other pictures of the moon are pretty too... especially the stormwalker moon -- the moon in the middle of a thunderstorm (so tell me, when have you seen a red moon? Not orange -- RED!!) its pretty cool actually, but also pretty scary (how'd that guy get that picture?), nowhere near as scary as the eclipse though... hehehehe...

Which Element Represents You?
created by kefkafanatic @ mental insanity

Okay... I have no idea what to do with this though, as I haven't seen the picture yet... Maybe in a little while, when I publish this book...

You are a Gentle Dreamer...
Your a deep and kind person, and sometimes very
quiet. Your idea's never cese to amaze the many
people who seem to flock twords you, or perhaps
its the way you present your cool and calm
demenor. But never the less, be careful. Being
too calm could lead to many false ideas.


What kind of Dreamer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


I think its just kind of appropriate that I sandwich my dream between these two...

Had a dream this morning...

In the dream, I was about to get married -- to someone I barely know. She was a neighbor in my old haunt, and I never really got the time to know her much. At least, that's who I remember she was. I was really annoyed all throughout the reception -- the church wedding seemed to have been over and I was simply attending to the guests at the reception. The strange thing was, even though I was the one who got married, the guests kept asking me WHO was getting married. It gave me this strange feeling that something wasn't right -- that I shouldn't be here since I could recall that I don't even know who the bride is, the entire scene is so reminiscent of my brother's wedding, and I'm not even prepared to get married.

That's when I woke up, realized that it was a dream, and went back to sleep.

But the dream wouldn't let me go.

Again, it came, and my wife and I were back in my old school. She was now a shugenja, and why she was a shugenja, I couldn't guess. She still had the identity of my old neighbor, but not the face. There, we played hide-and-seek like little children, and some voice suddenly told me the truth -- that she was pregnant already, and that marrying me was the only way for her to save face. For some strange reason, I got turned on instead of repulsed by this unexpected turn of events, and when I found my wife, I started to kiss her passionately, to which she responded in kind. We were in a kindergarten classroom, with no children or teachers. Just me and my wife. With the thought that she was already pregnant and she needed me to save her face repeating in my head over and over, we were about to consummate our marriage...

... And again I woke up. Still feeling sleepy, I went back to bed.

And the dream returned.

It was now several months or weeks after we went to the kindergarten, at least that's what it felt like. My wife was now half-swollen with child, I recall her saying that it was now 6 months, but from her belly, it only seemed 5. But it didn't matter, what mattered now was that I couldn't put a face to her, but her voice reminded me of my brother's wife, down to her body figure. We were supposed to bring foodstuff to my in-laws and so we parked the car (with the driver shifting between my brother and my uncle) near her house and she led the way. I really thought in that dream that she was my brother's wife, nearly forgetting that she was MY wife and my brother suddenly appeared beside me, taking my place beside his wife, where mine suddenly disappeared. Realizing that something was definitely wrong at this point, with my wife disappearing to be replaced by other people, and still going to a house which I definitely have no plans of going...

...I woke up. With the images of the dream still vivid in my head. I almost got up to look for my wife here at home, to ask if I were married to someone, but then my faculties returned. It was all but a dream -- there was no way that I could have a wife, because I wasn't married nor am I betrothed to marry someone else.

The dream felt all too real though... although the logic in it was rather flawed and chaotic -- which is normal for dream logic.

It almost felt good to be married though... and scary.


You are a descriptive writer. An avid reader of
Robert Frost, perhaps, you LOVE to use flowery
words and use the paper and pen as your canvas
and paintbrush. You prefer to paint a mental
image rather than simply toy around with
people's minds. A very inspired person, you
love to be in nature and usually are a very
outdoorsy type of person. A writer with a
natural green thumb, perhaps?


What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla

Help!!!!

I'm dying of boredom here at home!!! There's almost nothing that I could do here!!! I mean, I'm running out of things to do with the computer, running out of books to read, and running out of games to play!!! Help!!!!

Get me out of here and give me something to do!!! So long as it is not schoolwork!!!

Please!!! I beg you people!!!!

Nyaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Serioulsy though, I need something else to do, probably some new books to read, or some new games to play, or just anything new that could possibly take my time...


You are Rice! You are plain. You can be eaten with
chopsticks! Lots of oriental families eat you
for every meal!


What food are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I amNyarlathotep! The 999 forms of Nyarlathotep are a point of meditation for the true initiate. It is through these manifold faces that the secrets of the universe are made known. Called "The Crawling Chaos", Nyarlathotep is the disembodied ego of Azathoth and thus the universal "I" of known reality. Some of the many documented forms are; Father of Knives, Nephren-Ka, the Black Man, the Beast of the Lashing Tongue to name a few.

Which Great Old One are you?

See? What kind of book would be complete without some pretty pictures appearing from time to time? Granted, they aren't all from the same artist, neither do they contribute to the overall content of this book (don't they really? I think they say something about the owner of the book though) but then, pictures are still pictures -- they still serve as entertainment from the rather dreary blather that you see here...

It seems that Blogger has a problem with their publishing, so that means that the new picture that I've added here won't be seen early, so too with this entry but then again, its not like this entry is that important... a little delay won't be too much of a problem...

At least the picture that I have now is more accesible. I think, unlike the earlier one (which is prettier, but it seems that there's something wrong with the HTML coding) which has problems showing up on the main page. Not to matter, other people could still see what it is, if they get the same answers that I did.

Summer really has nothing much to offer me -- sure I may be able to relax more, and spend time with other members of the family -- but ultimately, its futile. Why? Because, even if I had classes, I could still relax as soon as I got home, and even though I have more time during summer breaks, the difference is that I get stuck at home twiddling my nose while my friends go to other places. I'm not exactly allowed to go waltzing around town with my friends... some break you get when you've got strict parents... Furthermore, the other members of the family aren't really around the house for the greater part of the day -- so what I'm really doing is guarding the house for them. In other words, the only thing that summer breaks could actually give me is peace of mind -- I have no projects, no exams, and no deadlines to cram for. I can go to sleep without worrying what would happen to me the next day because nothing will happen.

In other words, summer breaks are a little too boring now.

On to other things, I wonder if Jamie has an idea of what I think of her? Does she know that I have a thing for her -- is that the reason why she seems to be avoiding me? Or does she simply not care for me? I mean, why does she have to ask if I'm going or not to Sweet's overnight party? Is that simply for confirmation of the guest list? I guess it would be, as she didn't even express any concern on my being unable to attend (aside from the usual, "dude, you're old enough to go out of the house!!! don't allow your parents to lock you up..." I tend to get that a lot from other people anyway). It seems that even though I consider her a friend, she might actually think me as something less than that...

Ah, never mind. I'm griping again.

Cheers to the summer!!!!

Got up this morning to find an SMS on my phone coming from... Dulce. Its really interesting -- similar to when I woke up sometime last year to find an SMS from Lassie -- because at first I thought that she was going to tell me something important (and besides, the last time that she sent me one, we were still on good terms, meaning this one really was important, or she wouldn't waste time making one). Reading it sobered me up immediately.

"You don't have any right to mind me if I you think I'm 'nuts'... you're not affected anyway... and I have no plans of it affecting you either...don't worry, I won't talk to you ever again."

The excitement of receiving an SMS from her wore off. Replaced by thoughts of "What pissed her off more? How did she know that I thought she was nuts? And what in hell does she mean that I don't care?" I tried to get more from her, sending her two SMS messages (this was probably my mistake as I still let my pride and my anger take control of me, making the message sound very sarcastic) but she was really serious about not talking to me anymore as she didn't even bother to reply to my messages.

Right now, I think I'm probably still shocked by this turn of events. It seems that I really wanted to patch things up between me and her, but then my pride got in the way, and so things worsened to this point. I'm not sure how to mend things now, maybe I'll just let things be in the meantime... I'd really like to initiate conversation, but... maybe this isn't the right time to contemplate how to placate her, as my mind's still a little muddled up.

I'm planning on calling up either Jamie or Pai in a little while, see how Dulce managed to get idea that I called her "nuts" and probably mull over what's best to do. Its kinda interesting really, as she was someone that I wanted to call my best friend for really being a friend, and now, well... let's just say something really is wrong with our relationship -- if you could still call it that.

But I still have a few things to say about her attitude... she kind of acts too much like a kid -- kind of like Lassie but thankfully more mature. She has this tendency to want to "get what she wants NOW", really immature in my opinion of her, because in anything else, she is very mature (did getting together with Terence make her this way? Maybe not, as she already had that tendency way, way before -- I guess it just got worse when she got togehter with Terence). Slowly, she's starting to become like Lassie -- impossibly sensitive. At least she's not yet completely illogical, but she really is TOO sensitive. Sometimes, I think that I'm starting to become like her (or maybe she's becoming like me, either way) too sensitive or too serious at inappropriate times. Damn.

Maybe Lassie told her about what I think of her, or maybe Sweet...

Damn. Mind's a mess. Gotta do something about this soon.

Yay!

School is finally over... Which means that I have a few weeks worth of rest in store for me, until summer classes begin again... Thankfully, I don't seem to be afraid of receiving any failing grades for this semester, which is really a good thing, as this hopefully is the run that I'm looking for -- an academic run where I'm not afraid of receiving failing grades because I'm performing really well. Let's hope that it continues in the future.

Went swimming yesterday, came home with some sunburns on my shoulders, not that I mind them much really, after all, I was with my friends -- something that rarely happens because I rarely go out with my friends since my parents are a little too strict. The sunburns don't really bother me, but I can't nurse them properly as doing so would only attract unwanted attraction from my parents. Plus, I have to find a way to cover them until they heal... Its a good thing that burns like these don't take too long to heal...

After swimming, I went out again to attend a party, where after downing my first can of beer for the night, I felt a little too light-headed. It probably had something to do with my hunger -- as I had almost several days worth of fasting and skipping meals. I didn't drink anymore for the rest of the night, because I didn't want to feel sick (besides, there was no reason for me to drink that night anyway... my cousins weren't there, neither were my friends)

While looking around my room for someplace to hide things, I was surprised to know that the headboard of my bed was turned by my brother into something that keeps his videos... It was initially a place that my other brother used to keep his books and comics, but now that his gone, my brother now turned it into a holder of his videos... interesting -- because he took my headboard space from me, its only fair that i get to see these videos for myself when I have time...

Borrowed an Endless pinup gallery to show Jamie when we meet again... I'm pretty sure that she'll find it a bit interesting... but that's about it I guess... Just wanted to include that tidbit.

Got to rest soon. My body's still aching from yesterday's swimming...


You are a bookworm.. You love to read and analyze
things..


Which Kind of Anime Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Starting today, I will refrain from dwelling too much on who's talking to me or not. People just have too many things to do with their time than to waste them on meaningless drivel with me. So if anyone out there just doesn't want to talk to me, well its their privilege to ignore me...

In other news, one of our projects got the thumbs-down and was returned... which means instead of having an early vacation, I have to go back to school to take care of the project again. Damn. Talk about ruining your plans... Add that to the fact that I didn't get to study for my finals today just to finish that blasted project... and you have someone who really wants to kill his teacher... with his bare hands....

How annoying.

Anyway, I think I have to go look for more productive activities. I'm running out of sites to go to on the 'net. I have to think of more interests...

After several days of being mad at Adnan, I decide to talk to him today, just to signify that I'm more or less over that single incident. I admit to myself that I might have over-reacted... after all, at this time, I see no reason why I should have let my anger last this long....

Of course, that's not taking into consideration that I miss the guy. Its been nearly a month after all, and I guess if I can't beat him, I might as well join him. I can't keep angry forever at someone for such a simple reason. It simply isn't me. I might as well patch things up between us...

Dulce and Lassie on the other hand are different stories altogether. I'm simply waiting for Dulce to make the first step, but if she doesn't, I'm pretty confident that I could last a long time without paying attention to her. As for Lassie, I could stay away from her as long as I try not to notice what she is doing to herself. If I try not to notice that she flirts with every single person she sees just because they don't know her, if I try not to notice that she doesn't care what happens to herself, if I try not to notice that she doesn't talk to me, then I could probably last a long time...

Lastly, I don't know what's up with Pai, but I never pry things out of people unless they want me to, or unless they initiate conversation. Seeing as how she's still a little too busy with her own problems (not to mention that she has no intentions of initiating coversation with me), I probably wouldn't know (add that to the fact that she doesn't seem to want me to know what's going on in her life these days...). Jamie just doesn't care, and I just don't know what to do next. She's probably still not over Elbert (yeah, about 99% probably still stuck on Elbert...)

Man, I'm simply HOPELESS...

Looking back at the site where I got the pictures for the dinosaurs... The other dinosaur pics are pretty nice... Especially the brontosaurus and the raptor! But the triceratops is dead... Too bad...

And I knew it... the other girlfriend pictures are also hotties... hehehe

Anyway, here's another...


Hydrogen! You have an explosive temper! Watch out
for Arsenics, though...they like taking
advantage of your short fuse!


What Element (heh, heh...) Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Interesting that... I'm the perfect girlfriend... but I'm not a girl... neither do I have a girlfriend.

I don't know if its my fault though... I feel like people just don't care at all. The people that I want to care for don't care whether I exist or not, and sometimes, I think they would feel better if I didn't exist. After all, I think they don't treat me as a person, but rather as someone to laugh at...



You're a Tyrannosaurus, a fast, massive creature,
evolved for no purpose but hunting down prey.


What dinosaur are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


A tyrannosaur? What in the world? Is there something wrong? Well, I guess that's what I am sometimes, just looking for something that interests me, and biting it. I don't care if its trouble or not, so long as I like it, its mine....

I was gonna clean my room, but then I got high...
I was gonna get up and find a broom, but I got high...
Now my room's still messed up, and I know why--- ah- I
Coz I got high, coz I got high, coz I got high...
La la la...


Shrooms.
Star light,
star bright,
what images will I see tonite?


Which drug should you be hooked on? [now with pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

The creative block I've been suffering under recently seems to be a direct result of the projects that I have to take care of. Now that the company project is over, my mind is free to wander for a bit before I force it down to think of something else again... Ah! Rest and relaxation!

I've been noticing something recently, I could be wrong as I often am, but its still worth noticing: it seems that Jason likes Jamie a little more than usual... He's been making a number of excuses to get close to her all day long today, which he doesn't really do normally... as I said, I could be wrong, but still... I guess that's the reason why he asked me if I liked her (and of course, I told him no, which at this point, really sounds like a lie).

Also, Nich has been acting strange, actually waiting around for me for no particular reason, asking me to accompany her to the caf, inviting me to lunch... stuff like that. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she likes me... I'd be really flattered, unfortunately, she's not the one that I like.

Anyway, on to today's random thought: The thing that I really like about myself is my ability to understand any person -- motives, thinking, reasoning, hidden agendas, personality. It seems instinctive to me, I just listen to a person speaking, and I can guess how he thinks things through. Sometimes however, I have the tendency to downplay a person's prioritites, or a person's dilemmas, until they register to me as a non-person.

Take Lassie for example. Threre are a lot of people who are no longer fond of her, due to her tendency to do odd things and to suddenly slip into depression, alienating even those she is closest with (even though she denies even to herself that she HAS friends...), yet I can understand why she functions like that... Its because people don't understand her eccentricities -- that is why she seems weird to people. It takes only a small number of people to understand her and help her, yet because she suffers too much from erratic behavioral change (because she believes that she has no purpose in life) that people tend to leave her behind to keep themselves sane (I'm pretty insane myself to begin with. I'm probably more immune to people's eccentricities)

But lately, perhaps because I am tired of being treated as less than her friend, I'm starting to hate her for acting like a bitch sometimes. However, when I think about it, I would also be hurt if the person I considered my best friend were to suddenly grow cold towards me... cough*pai*cough... she's probably still experiencing some sort of withdrawal by taking away the emotions that she's invested in Grace... I mean, she could take Sweet treating her coldly. Jamie and Lana, she could probably not notice, but Grace?

I don't think so. Losing Grace would probably rock her world. As much as losing Eng before changed her so much... From a cheerful little girl, to a strange goth-wannabe nut.

Try to imagine it.

I'd hate to see if even Siena leaves her behind... she might suddenly change into some other strange thing. (At this point, it is important to note that losing Hubert would not affect her at all. She doesn't seem to treat Hubert as anything other than a favorite toy anyway... some best friend to Hubert she is...)

Understand that I'm only trying to explain why she shouldn't be completely hated. I'm not trying to explain why she tends to do silly things. After all, I'm not her husband, she doesn't answer to me. She has her own life, and it would be better if I concentrate on mine.

Been suffering from a severe case of creative block for the past few days... Couldn't write anything coherent, much less anything worthwhile. It's as if all the sentences that I could think of either make no sense at all, or were taken from some other writer. There's absolutely nothing in my head right now, other than trying to juggle three projects and two exams for the week. I feel like my final exams are coming this week instead of next week! (I'm freer next week than this week... having to cram for a lot of things over three days, as compared to next week) I think the stress coming from the projects delivered a sudden blow to the right-half of my brain...

I'm happy to say that I'm mostly over Lassie now. I don't go out of my way to go looking for her anymore, unlike before, neither do I spend a lot of my time thinking how she is. Unfortunately, I'm thinking a little way too much about Jamie, and how she's doing in school with all the projects that she has to cram over the week.

Hopefully, after updating this book, enough of the neurons in my brain would be stimulated to drive me to do something interesting. I haven't attended to my character in the PBEM I'm participating in (not to mention he's my favortie character amongst all the others that I've created)... which is strange because nowadays, I consider the PBEM to be priority number one. I must have shifted priorities midway without my noticing -- good sign that I haven't given up too much hope yet.

As usual, Lassie hasn't been paying much attention to me. I'm quite thankful that most of my feelings for her are going down the drain. Pai, is just waiting for me to go talk to her -- which is something I refuse to do, because this time, I want HER to come to me for no reason at all, its selfish I know, but I rarely ask for things for myself.

So there. I think that's enough updating for one session. I can feel a bit of my brain palpitating again... Maybe it will work now.

Arranged a meeting to review the other group's circuit. Halfway through, regretted even thinking of setting up the damned thing.

Can't blame them for making an error in the solving and the typing of the values that they found for our own paper, after all, I didn't do a thing to help in the production of the thing. But I can't see why they're making such a big fuss over something we've already passed. I guess what really pissed me off was the late realization that something like that happened, and it was brought out to the light because the other group did something contrary to what ours did. Why don't they just stick to their original answer and defend that instead? Or couldn't they simply have done that somewhere more quiet, and instead focused on the things that were supposed to be discussed today?

Plus, a lot of the people came in late. Fine, I came in late myself. But then, they were bothering me to start the meeting, but when I finally assemble whoever is around to meet, everyone starts doing something else. Why ask me to do something like this, if all you're going to do is ignore me right?

In frustration, over the course of discussing what best to do with all wrong values, I stepped out of the room, and kept quiet. Eventually, when all the frustration over wrong calculations were over, they were looking for someone to preside over the meeting (I kept coming back several times while they were computing, but since there seemed to be no progress over what they were doing, and since they were still stuck in determining step 1, I went away again), I wanted to wait until everyone was more docile, and willing to listen to reason. Unfortunately, their noise just kept going up, without regards as to whether I wanted to preside or not. Franz finally took the helm of responsibility and drew the agenda of the meeting.

But despite his efforts, I'm still pissed. Not at him, for taking responsibilty for my work, but in the others for being such blabbermouths when they aren't needed. For example, is it right to have the female groupmates decide what the males should wear, irregardless of whether they have the clothes or not? Furthermore, it was in this scenarion that further annoyed me, because despite the CEO voicing out his opinions, the members either couldn't hear over the drivel they were causing themselves, or simply acted deaf the CEO's ideas. Yup, its just like saying "Go to Hell, CEO." I was tempted to leave the meeting right then, and there. But I still had my sense in me. Deciding instead to sit at a corner and play some games while they whipped themselves into a senseless frenzy of excitement.

When Avic finally asked to have me go back to preside over the meeting, Adnan had the nerve to say "Don't. We might disturb whatever he's doing and be indebted to him."

HELLO!!!!!!!! You weren't even listening to the speaker when he was beside you, you moron! You call me disrespectful??? Then what are you? Besides, as if the assembly would listen to me if I presided over them... As if you'd listen to me if I presided there. I'd bet you'd just go to the back and finish typing whatever it was you needed to top your other subjects! Respect my ass... I don't even think you know the meaning of that word. You say, "It might be disrespectful to disturb someone who's doing something else...", well I say, "I agree, it might be disrespectful if you wear out your mouth whispering about all the newest gossip about someone while the same person were right in front of you and talking about something important -- it might be disrespectful to the speaker because he's talking only to thin air and the board while everyone else were doing something else..."

Some best friend certain people are...

So instead of the meeting being finished at this time, we still have to talk about the second part of the project after lunch. That's not my fault, the members themselves are pretty incooperative.

I'm washing my hands clean of this mess.

I just remembered... it doesn't matter if people read this book... they won't get any reaction anyways... unlike me, people do not react to things that do not concern them too much.

That's my flaw, other people say: I don't know when to keep my mouth shut...

Lately, I seem to notice that I can't put anything into my book without first dropping by a quiz site or something. It seems like I need some sort of pretty picture to make sure that my brain would function... which shouldn't be the case because I should always be creative... dumb brain.

I'm currenty using someone else's computer, while this wouldn't really be a bother, it just means that there's a slight chance that someone would now be able to find my book and start reading it. And of course, anyone who reads this book would suddenly get all sorts of ideas to share with other people. Ah, it doesn''t matter much I guess, as long as whatever goes out of this book, returns to my ears.

Pai said goodbye to me last night, just when I was about to go -- and after I deliberately walked past her and Adnan. And that was about the only words she ever spoke to me in a span of a week. Everything else has been either an e-card, or an SMS. I waved back to her of course, I didn't want to be extremely rude to someone who really didn't offend me, but I could imagine that the wave had some other effect on her.'

I thought that today, she would finally speak to me. Nothing special, just her initiating conversation, instead of me starting a topic as was usual. So sue me for being demanding, I have my needs too. Apparently, she still has no plans of talking to me or anything, as if I didn't even exist. If that's the way that she's going to treat me, well... I guess two could play that game.

The day annoyingly started out with my having to call Adnan just to ask him to come in early for help in Grace's report. It would have been alright, if not for the fact that he NEVER did anything for the rest of the report. He just arrived, put down his bag, and started talking to Jun, instead of throwing questions to the reporters. What a waste of effort and time. I could've just told them to forget about calling him and asking someone else to question them anyway.

Then, Jamie actually forgot to write my name in Math homework, putting instead the name of Borj as the fourth person in their group. In other words, she didn't think of me because I was of no use to her in that particular endeavor -- which only serves to prove that people really only associate with me because they can find some sort of benefit with me. If I can't offer them anything good, then I'm just as good as a decoration.

Same thing with Lassie. If she doesn't need anyone to talk to, to share a piece of her mind with, then she won't even bother to think of me.

I should really start removing my self-imposed rights on other people's lives, after all, no one wants me around...

Enough griping. That's it for now.

Thankfully, there's nothing to rant about today... After passing the paper that my groupmates worked so hard for, I'm left with four other projects to take care of, and a little bit of work assigning for out presentation.

I need some more rest. Probably be writing in here once my brain thinks of something more interesting than my gripes...